Kindergarten Sam

My Boy...

My Baby...

My little Sam I am...

How did this day creep up so quickly? 

I'm seriously at a loss of how to explain my emotions today.  

I really am mostly excited and happy to start this chapter in our lives, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't even the slightest bit sad and overwhelmed by it all.

THIS ^^^^^

Is how I still see my baby boy when I look at him.  

The sweet, innocent, always smiling, happy, precious, fun, flirty, energetic, perfect baby boy.  

When I think about how this baby boy of mine has now embarked upon his school days, it really begins to tug at my heart strings. 

Granted, I am super excited for the added ME time and new beginnings that have come my way...

BUT part of me still wants to be that stay-at-home mom I have been for the last 7 years.

It's what I know and who I am.

As I mentioned before, HERE, I often find myself wishing I had a pause button or rewind button for our life.  What I would give to go back to moments like this with my little ones... 

(Note: Please ignore my totally obnoxious baby talk.  We are all guilty of this right? Totally lame of me I know.)

I miss those sweet baby grins, coos, and giggles.

I miss the sweet smell of their baby skin.

I miss their cute kissable little toes.

I miss them being entirely dependent upon me.

Selfish right?

Who cares, EVERY mother out there totally gets what I am saying. 

We want our children to need us forever, but slowly their need for us begins to fade.

My baby boy just spent an entire day at school, without me. 

THAT, I think, is what is most difficult for me to take in.

With every year and every milestone that passes us by, my babies need me a little less and less.  

AND

IT'S SO HARD TO LET THEM GO!

Today we walked up to the school and without hesitation Sam walked right up to his classroom door, put his backpack at the front of the line, and took off to the playground.  There was absolutely NO hesitation in his step.  He was ready for this day.  He really acted like an old pro...

Cause ya know, he had watched sissy all year last year so he knew the drill and didn't even need my help.

That's slightly heartbreaking.

Now, I was totally that obnoxious picture taking mom this morning.

Totally obsessive and slightly over-board.

 Snapping pictures of every little step Sam took.  Every possible emotion I could capture.  I needed to remember this day.  It was important to me and to him.  I got some awesome pictures too...

Then my stupid computer decided it would so graciously delete every picture that I took today.

Weird thing is, it was only the pictures I took today... the couple hundred that I had taken prior to today were still there.  It just decided that this moment in time, this milestone of our life, is one that I didn't need to have documented.  

I cried.

Like a wee little baby I cried.

No, worse than that... I uncontrollably cried that really pathetic and embarrassing cry where you can't catch your breath and boogers are pouring out your nose.

Yep, That's the one.

My baby's first day of 

KINDERGARTEN

and all the pictures were gone.

If you ask me, that just plain old SUCKS!

I called up my sweet, beautiful, talented friend Shelley

(check out her blog HERE... Really, she's amazing)

to see if she knew how to get them back and she so graciously offered to bring her camera to the school for me when I picked him up to ensure that I was able to get at least SOME pictures from his first day.  I took my camera along too, but considering the events of the day I wasn't too trusting of it.

I'm SO GLAD that she did too cause she captured this VERY awesome, TOTALLY priceless, MOMENT OF A LIFETIME...

Brought to you courtesy of  Shelley @ House of Smiths

Yep, that's right!  

I'm just SO busy and really important.

"I'm kind of a big deal right now!"

See what I mean about talent? 

And she was even able to capture my "good" side...

By that I mean my right, NOT my rear I swear!

Okay, okay... Back to my boy.

I was able to get some pictures when I went to pick him up from school.  I made my way into the classroom in those last ten minutes and snapped a few shots of him enjoying his class and friends,

both old and new.  We lucked out and got Mrs. Wilkin for a teacher this year.  She was Brenna's teacher last year and we all just LOVE her.  Sam also has a couple of people he already knows in class with him as well. His buddy Jake was in his preschool class and also takes karate with him.  Sweet little Lexi is the daughter of a long time family friend of Bill's and now myself.  

Photo Courtesy of Shelley @ House of Smiths

Sam came home FULL of excitement.  He let me know that they get 3 recesses in Kindergarten (which was his favorite part) and that he got to eat breakfast for lunch.  

"Mom, you know those things that are like waffles, but they're NOT waffles and you dip them in syrup?"

That's what he had for lunch.

HE LOVES KINDERGARTEN!

We did however learn that he had a bit of a melt down at lunch.  Not really melt down I guess, but rather a bit of confusion... accompanied by his stubbornness. 

Sam insisted that I was coming to eat lunch with him.  He wouldn't sit with his class because he was going to sit with me. It took the teachers a bit to convince him it was okay to sit with his class and that I could sit with him when I showed up.

Unfortunately, I never showed up.

I never intended to eat lunch with him today... I was working.

At one point in the weeks leading up to school starting I had told Sam that it was cool that I would be working at his school because that meant that I would be able to come and eat lunch with him sometimes.  I didn't mean today AND I didn't mean everyday.

He, however, thought that is exactly what I meant.

We have since worked that little bit of misinformed information out and he seems to be understanding of the fact that I won't be eating with him on a daily basis.

Let's hope that tomorrow goes a bit more smooth for his teachers.

Photo Courtesy of Shelley @  House of Smiths

I love this boy more than words can express.  I'm proud of the little man he is becoming.  I am excited to continue to watch him grow, advance, and succeed in life.  I am HONORED to be his Mommy. 

I love you son, To the moon and back.

Xoxo

Here's to Kindergarten and many more milestones to come.

Brenna's First Day of 1st Grade...

Once upon a time,

I had two kids in diapers...

and now,

I have two kids in school ALL DAY!

It's really bitter sweet....

(Sam doesn't start until Thursday, so his post will come later this week)

THIS is all about BRENNA today!

My baby girl...

Where did the time go?

It seems like just yesterday that I was watching her learn to walk, talk, getting her first hair cut, potty training, and kissing her boo boo's all better.

It seems like just yesterday that she needed me and now here we are, a blink of an eye later, and she is so grown up.

Turning 7 soon and Miss Independent.  

No boo boo's to kiss better...

She doesn't need me like she used to anymore.  

I spent a great deal of time this weekend looking through old pictures and videos in an attempt to locate some important pictures I needed, but rather found myself consumed by this overwhelming feeling of... 

Sadness isn't the right word cause I'm so happy to watch my kids learn and grow and become amazing people, but sadness is what I am going with.  

I cried.

A LOT!

I can't believe how much of my children's lives I had forgotten already...

In regards to Brenna I had forgotten just how sweet her little baby voice was, just how precious her little giggle was, and just how heart melting her little grin was.

As I looked at these pictures and videos I was reminded of just how precious these years with my kids have been.

I was reminded of just how quickly time flies and how easily it is to get caught up in the everyday.

I was reminded that I need to SLOW DOWN and appreciate the years to come.

I am so proud of the little lady my Lou is becoming,

but sometimes I wish I had a pause button, or rewind button, so I could enjoy these stages in life just a bit longer.  

Happy First Day of FIRST GRADE my Brenna Lou...

Mommy loves you to the moon and back!

New Beginnings

Well,

This doesn't come as a surprise to most as I was so excited to announce my new job when the offer came through.

Though that offer came through verbally, 

I was still left waiting for a great deal of time for the official hire letter and schedule to come in the mail.

I went in and had my fingerprints done for my background check a few weeks ago and was left with that same anxious feeling I had after I interviewed for this new job.  

I am pleased to announce that my hire letter finally came and it's all official.  I even spent an hour on the phone this morning with the teacher I will be working along side with.

She filled me in on some of the procedures, what to expect, and gave me all the reassurance that I have been so desperately in need of.  It was nice to get to know her a little on a personal level too.  Of course, this comes as no surprise living in Magna, we have several acquaintances in common. Her son went to school with my husband so she is familiar with some of his friends too.

  

Let me just say, this is EXACTLY why I love this lil' ol' town... No matter who you meet, you are bound to have acquaintances in common.  The term "it's a small world" doesn't really apply in Magna, because everyone literally knows everyone or has ties to everyone anyway.  I'm new to all of this though, so the small town community feel this place has is something I am learning to appreciate about where I live and now work.

Though, I must admit there have been those few times that I have been completely caught off guard by just how much people you don't even know know about you. And then those awkward moments when people from your past (aka ex boyfriends/girlfriends) appear at the most unexpected times seem to happen far more frequently in little towns like this too.
Bill and I have both had those moments over these past couple years.

It does take some getting use to. 

BUT, I wouldn't trade living here for anything.


Okay, back to the "new beginnings,"
In more recent days, as I have become more focused on preparing myself and family for this change in our lives, I have become far more aware of just how much the idea of me having a job is effecting my family.  Brenna mostly.  I have been writing down all the days prior to them starting school that I have to work and focusing on babysitters for those few weeks.  I can just see the stress in Brenna's eyes when I mention just a few short weeks that I will be at work and they will be with a sitter.  I'm not sure why, but Brenna has always been stuck to me like glue.  She is totally okay going to school or playing at a friends house and having that time away from me, but for some reason knowing that I won't be at home where she is use to me being throws her for a loop.  Even if Bill and I talk about a date night and her having a sitter for just a couple hours gives her the worst anxiety.  I am really struggling with how to ease her concerns and anxieties as there really is no need for her to be upset by me working, but she is.  
We even began discussing what our daily routine will be when they start school.  I suggested that she walk to her brother's classroom, pick him up, then them both walking to my classroom together when school is out to wait for me to be ready to leave.  She didn't like this.  
She doesn't do well with change.
I was there to pick her up every day after school last year and she wants me to be there again, but I simply can't.  With this new job comes additional obligations, which really don't change a whole lot about how we did things last year.  I will still be at the school and I will still go home with them and life will be just as it was before.  The only difference is I won't be waiting outside her classroom, I will simply be right down the hall, where she has to come to me.


I think I have begun to ease her anxiety a bit.  We both agreed that I will provide a calendar visible to the whole family with the days she will need a sitter written down so that she can plan for it and get used to the idea of me not being at home that day.  
She seems a bit more at ease with this idea, but we will see when those days arrive... and they are creeping up on me quickly!


I start training on the 16th of this month followed by a couple weeks of meetings, classroom prep, and parent orientation.  I took a 90 day break from school this summer so I could focus on my kids and ensure that we got some good quality time in together before they are both in school full time.  It was a good decision.  I was told that if I took this time off it would be difficult for me to go back.  I refused to believe that at the time. However, I am beginning to see what those who told me that meant.  I had so much I needed to get done for school in those 90 days that I just simply didn't do.  No excuses, I just didn't do it.  After over two years straight of school with no break I just enjoyed my break far too much and lost sight of those important things I needed done.  And now I am starting a new job and feel I need some additional time to fall into a routine with work before taking on school again. (I also need to get those things done that I didn't do)  
I am contacting my school this week to apply for an additional 60 days of leave.  This will put me back in school at the end of October, but I need it.  I would hate to take on too much all at once and let myself or someone else down.  
I swore to myself that I wouldn't be that person that takes a break and then doesn't follow through with the plan to go back...  And I'm not that person, I just need more time.
(That's what they all say right?)
The only reassurance I can give myself that I am not that person is that I am totally motivated and desperate to finish my degree... 
Those student loans that are hanging over my head now are also pushing me to finish.  
And I will.  


Can you tell I am feeling REALLY guilty for extending my once 90 day break an additional 60? I keep having this need to convince myself that I am doing the right thing by making this decision, but let's be honest I don't think I will ever be fully confident of my decision.  I'm just living by the moment and at this moment it feels right.  Though I may have a different opinion a few months from now.  Who knows.  


My nerves are setting in as I sit here writing things down on calendars.  It seems to have become more real now that I am putting it on paper, if that makes any sense at all.
I am nervous that I won't be cut out for this job.  I'm nervous that it may be too much of a sacrifice for my family.  I'm nervous to let people down.  I'm even nervous about sitting in front of little 3 and 4 year olds, all eyes focused on me.  I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's real.  I'm nervous to interact with parents, and nervous of the potential judgments that could come my way due to my appearance.... Most of all though I am nervous of failure.  I have been working so long and hard for this opportunity and now that it is here I am totally caught off guard by all the emotions involved.  A dream that I have had since I was a wee little one in elementary is finally beginning to come true, and what if I'm not good at it?
THAT'S what SCARES me MOST!


What I hope comes of this is a long future of personal successes.  A long future of helping children succeed; influencing them and directing them to their own dreams come true.  
A long future of providing for my family and teaching my own children through example that a dream can be a reality if you work hard enough to achieve it.  
I hope that I am cut out for what my future teaching career holds.
I hope I am ready for it, cause my future starts right
NOW!

Get Involved, Be Inspired: Utah Buddy Walk 2012

Hop on over to my Photography Blog,

and see how I am Getting Involved.

I have a personal request from all my blog readers

(though I know there aren't many)

to please help support me in this event however you can.

I would love to have a whole bunch of fellow walkers, 

but if you can't; a simple donation is GREATLY appreciated!

Swimming 2012 Part 2

We all know that Sam started swimming lessons this year, 

and we also know that he is doing remarkably well.

We know this because I already blogged about it...

HERE

If you don't know about this, then you had probably pay better attention. 

Well, as I mentioned in that first post, Sam was able to start and was doing remarkably well.  After his first session he advanced up to level 2 without any struggle at all.  He is currently in his fourth session of lessons and is stuck, right there at level two.  Not because he isn't progressing, but because he is simply far too small to obtain the endurance necessary for a level three swimmer.  A level three Swimmer has to be able to swim a long distance without stopping.  He just isn't capable of that yet.

  He is still doing awesome, 

and is fearless as ever.

The below videos were taken on the last day of his third session during testing.  

As you can see from the video he gets winded easily which is why he can't move on to level three.  It really frustrates him, but he understands that practice is what will help him get where he needs to be to advance.

That's one good lookin' boy!

Now, as mentioned in my previous post we had it planned for Brenna to start swimming lessons after she completed school and wrapped up her dance obligations.

She started her first session with total fear of water.  Didn't want to do it, didn't want to get her face wet, didn't even want to try.  Fortunately Brenna's little friend Karis was starting swimming with her, which I feel gave her the extra push to just challenge herself. 

I was completely shocked that on her second day of swimming she wasn't only getting her face wet, but she was completely submerging herself.

This is a HUGE step for her considering she would have major melt downs if one was to even suggest that she attempt to submerge herself. 

(I personally think having a friend in class with her was a huge benefit simply because she didn't want to look like a sissy)

I am so proud of her for pushing through her fear and just doing it.  

Much to her surprise, the water isn't that bad nor is there a need to be scared of it.

Now that she has completed her first session she is doing far more than just submerging herself.  She is working on some strokes, floating on her back, blowing bubbles through her nose and mouth, and also swimming on her back.  Both she and her friend Karis successfully completed level one and have now moved on to level two. 

This girl is just AWESOME!

In the newest session we started this week, both Brenna and Sam are in level 2 together along with Brenna's friend Karis.  

I was originally concerned about having Brenna and Sam in the same class together because of how competitive they are with one another, but thus far it hasn't seemed to be a problem. 

I have paid for a total of 6 sessions between the two kids this summer so I feel it best to call it good after this session is over.  

Brenna has dance starting again soon

(She made an Extreme Dance Team, more to come on that in a different post so watch for it!)

and Sam has expressed interest in Karate so we will be looking into that soon as well.

The kids have both worked so hard at their extra-curricular activities this summer, I feel a short break will be beneficial before things start back up again! 

Happy Summer EVERYONE!

Hope you are all enjoying your's as much as we have!

Independence Day 2012

Okay, I get it...

I'M SLACKIN'

In my defense, I have just been enjoying this past month so much that I frankly just haven't had the desire to get on the computer much nor have I really had the time to.  

This year we had an extra special 4th of July celebration.  Our Brenna participated in her very first parade.  

In all honesty, I felt as though I was living through her for a moment.  I always wanted to be in a parade.  I remember watching them as a kid and thinking how awesome it would be to participate in such a fun event and show off my perfected parade wave...

"Elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist..."

I would secretly practice that wave in the mirror and pretend that I was standing on a float in a beautiful dress, representing something larger than myself... Royalty.  

When I got to see my little girl so poised, smiling, and thoroughly enjoying every second that the eyes of Magna's people were on her.  I could tell that in that moment she was experiencing that dream I had as a child and I couldn't have been more proud.

I even had to discretely wipe away a few tears that we welling up in my eyes.

Is it lame that I cry?  

I thought it might be so I did my best to hide it.

I WAS SO PROUD!

We were joined by several friends and family at the parade, all just as excited to see our Brenna as I was.  

Once Brenna passed us by I had to rush to pick her and her friends up.  They were fortunate enough to be able to catch the last 20 minutes of the parade. They were happy about that. 

After the parade we relaxed a little at home then headed off to Grandma and Grandpa T's house for a BBQ, where the kids met Baby Wyatt for the first time.

You can read a bit more about that Here.

I was also left with some surprise pictures on my camera from Sister Steph

Thanks Steph!

We ended the night rushing to Magna after out BBQ to catch our local firework display.  It's really perfect.  We just park out butts at a church up the street from our house.  Perfect view and far less people.

We meet Babies....

I'm not sure about ya'll, 

But it seems that this past month there have been babies being born left and right!

I personally have acquired TWO new nephews and

One adorable little niece!

All born over this past month!

(Okay, okay... not a niece by blood, but having been friends with her mother since we were in diapers gives me Auntie bragging rights I think)

I of course had the opportunity to meet these beautiful little babes at the hospital.  My kids unfortunately had to wait until the timing was better.  

My kids were able to first meet their new "cousin"  Pretty lil' Pearl...and they were EVER SO EXCITED!

I was fortunate to take newborn photos of her (post about that coming soon to my photography blog so watch for it) and the kids tagged along with me so they would finally get the opportunity to love on this precious little girl. 

Brenna's first time holding baby Pearl

Sam's first time holding baby Pearl

They were a bit nervous.

I think this is actually there very first time to hold a baby all on their own.

They were absolutely smitten over Pearl, which gave them even more desire to meet there other two new cousins. 

Soon after leaving they began making the requests to meet the other two little boys (one of which was only a couple days old at this point.

Little Wyatt (the oldest of the three newborns) unfortunately lives in Davis county so visiting him isn't the most convenient with everyone's busy schedules.  

On the 4th of July however we had a family BBQ planned with that side of the family, which meant we got to see Baby Wyatt too.

It's all the kids could talk about for days before.  

Once we got there we all immediately flocked to lil' Wyatt who just so happened to be down for a nap.  DARN!

We did eventually get our chance to love on him...

Brenna looked at him, played with his little hands, and kissed on his little cheeks, but didn't want to take the time away from all her other cousins to hold him.  She was content just looking at him.  

Sam however was ALL ABOUT holding him.  

Sam and Baby Wyatt

I even handed him off to Bill for a few minutes.

Though I got the stink eye from him, he talked and played with him and really enjoyed him just as much as the rest of us. 

Bill cursing me out to Baby Wyatt (in baby talk mind you).

Awe, so tender.

I'll admit it.

I kind of ended up hogging little Wyatt once everyone else got a chance to hold him.  I am so baby hungry it isn't even funny.

Considering I can't have anymore (frown, tear, a whole lot of sadness) I had to love on him as much as I possibly could in an attempt to satisfy that baby hungriness. 

Yeah, didn't work...

Just made me want to take him home with me.

Me and Wyatt

I haven't blogged about him yet so I have to give a lil' introduction.

I present to you the newest lil' newborn in our lives...

Quinton Vick Vaca

Or as we call him "Baby Q"

Born: June 28, 2012

@ll:17pm

7lbs 9oz

19 1/2 inches

And of course you can't forget the very proud BIG brothers...

Brenna and Sam didn't have to wait nearly as long to meet Baby Q, but that's only because they live right down the street.

We gave my sister and her family some time to settle in and adjust before invading their space for our own personal benefit.  

I remember the feeling of just getting home,

and though you have much love for your friends and family that family bonding time was one of the ultimate highlights of the new baby experience.

After a long, hard, and trying pregnancy, my sister and her family deserved to have that time alone.

I respected that.

After about a week we got to go over and love on him too.

Sam was perfectly content just looking at Baby Q and playing with his little hands...

Brenna was feeling a little cheated after not having taken the opportunity to hold baby Wyatt and so she jumped right up on the couch and held out her arms for Baby Q.

Brenna and Baby Q

Baby Q even decided to greet us with some adorable smiles.

How could you NOT melt over that face?

Our family has been extremely blessed this past month.  I hear that it is baby season, but we haven't ever been given three beautiful angels in such a short time.

We are grateful for them, 

and we are loving every minute of it.