Life as I Remember It: My Wedding Ring

Jumping ahead quite a bit in my life I know, but this is a story that recently became fresh in my mind as one of the ladies I work with had quite the traumatic moment regarding her wedding ring this week in class.  This event made me recall the story of my ring and just how heartbroken I truly would be if anything bad happened to it.  Yes I know that everyone out there has a special bond with the ring that symbolizes the vows made on that special day to the one you love, BUT mine has a greater meaning to me and Bill than just what it represents.  Let me tell you why...

Bill was fresh home from war when we (really I gave him an ultimatum, I had waited a year for him after all... the least he could do is marry me) decided to plan a quick wedding.  We had already committed to purchasing a home together so really getting married was only appropriate (in my mind anyway).  Due to our quick decision (and my demanding ways) to marry, I didn't get a proposal.  I was okay with that.  As a result to not getting a proposal, Bill decided that I would not see my ring until we said our I Do's.  I was okay with that too.  Bill and I were married within 5 weeks of his return so the wedding itself was very small.  Talk about those 5 weeks will have to wait for another post... Back to the ring story.

Bill and his Dad headed off to the Mall one afternoon (I want to say within the first week Bill was home) to scope out rings.  Bill had a general idea of the style of ring I wanted, but also had some ideas in mind that he liked himself.  He was very particular in what he was looking for really because he wanted to find something that incorporated both of our ideas.  I'm not certain where all they looked, or how long they looked for I just know that he found what he was looking for.  As he and his dad sat discussing rings, of course the topic of "how are you going to propose" came up.  Bill's response was I'm not.  He told the ladies in the jewelry store that he had just returned from overseas and that how our marriage plans came to be.  That conversation then led to one about war, his experiences, and of course their appreciation for his sacrifices for our freedoms.  All the while there was an older gentleman in the store along with Bill and his Dad that was discussing watch repairs with one of the other workers.  This store is quite small and everyone's conversations with one another really are easily overheard.  Conversations of military and war relations continued throughout the entire purchasing process.  Bill completed the basic paperwork and put a down payment down on my ring.  In an attempt to surprise, but opted to only put a down payment down rather than making the complete purchase to ensure that the element of surprise with me still existed (we did share a bank account after all and he didn't want me to know quite yet what the cost was going to be).  Once the sale was completed Bill and his Dad walked down to the little coffee joint that sat next to the Nordstrom's entrance at the time, grabbed a coffee, and sat to talk awhile.  After having sat there chatting for about 15 minutes Bill's phone rang.  The call came in from the jewelry store and the sales lady was crying.  She explained to Bill that he needed to come back to the store to complete the final purchase work on the ring.  Confused, Bill complied and headed back to the the jewelry store.  Upon arrival, he noticed that all the ladies in the store were in tears.  They told Bill that they needed to finalize all the paperwork because someone had paid off the remaining balance on my ring.  As it turns out, this someone was that gentleman who was having his watch repaired.  He overheard Bill's conversation of war and how he had just returned.  He overheard our story and the difficulties that war brought to our life and how Bill's time away brought us to the realization that marriage was our next step.  This gentleman asked the jewelry store to keep his name anonymous as he wasn't giving us this gift as a way to be in the spotlight.  He just wanted to offer a simple Thank You to Bill for his service for our country.  This gentleman explained to these ladies that he too had gone to war, Vietnam, and no one ever thanked him for his sacrifices and he wanted to make sure that Bill knew that there was at least one person out there grateful for him putting his life on the line for our freedoms.  He wanted to make sure that I knew that there was someone out there thankful for being the person worrying from home as the love of my life was thousands of miles away in harms way every single day. 

Soon after leaving the jewelry store Bill called me and told me about what happened.  I cried and he cried.  I can't even begin to describe how much a simple thank you means to Bill when he gets them, but this act of gratitude was far more than we had ever anticipated.  There are no words to describe how thankful we are for this man and the kindness he showed us.  I know that those who came home from Vietnam weren't as fortunate to be offered even a handshake as a thank you for what they went through.  If I could, I would wrap my arms around this man and thank him for his sacrifices as well, and thank him for giving us the most wonderful and memorable thank you of our lives.

I proudly wear my ring, my symbol of the vows made on my wedding, and the constant reminder of one man's appreciation for my husbands sacrifices.  My ring holds great meaning for Bill and I... It symbolizes far more than what most wedding rings symbolize.  I am grateful for it and look forward to passing this story and my ring onto my children.  

Know What I love about October... and Brenna's Monster Ball

I used to HATE Fall...

It meant that the snow was coming and summer was officially a thing of the past.  I totally dreaded this season... In my younger years anyway.

In my adult years I have really come to love Fall, more specifically October.  My first born entered our lives on a beautiful October day.  This is when my feelings about Fall began to change.  I now look forward to October.  We still have a few lingering warm days accompanied by some crisp cool/cold days that we get to bundle up in blankets on the couch or in bed with a cup of hot something to drink.  I love that.  In October I get to bust out all the spice candles/air fresheners, which in case you didn't know are my FAVORITE scents. In October we are given a little bit of the best of both warm and cold seasons.  October really is that happy medium. 

In my adult years Halloween has become one of my top favorite holidays as well.  On October 1st you had better believe I am busting out my Halloween decor. I LOVE decorating for Halloween and I love busting out my creative juices to come up with fun original costumes for my kids.  I have found that I get really bummed out when my kids choose costumes that come in a bag ready for wear.  They are boring to me and look cheap, no matter how much money you spend on them.  AND in all reality it takes away from my own personal enjoyment.  Last year was one of those years... Brenna was Alice and Sam was Super Mario.  I didn't get to make anything.   This year October has been wonderful and my kids didn't let me down in the costume department.  I am feeling very festive and my cup is overflowing.  Brenna decided she wanted to be a Monster High Doll.  She didn't really care which one, so when I happened upon a Monster High skirt at Ross for 5 bucks it was decided that she was going to be Claudine Wolf (the werewolf).  I made her ears out of sticky back felt and just wrapped them around a headband then glued a bow to one ear.  I used an old see through stretchy black shirt I had and cut it to shreds and placed it over a solid brown long sleeve shirt.  I found some cute purple leg warmers for a buck somewhere (sorry can't remember if it was target or the dollar store) and put them over some cute black spiderweb tights.  Easy and inexpensive costume that looks just as good as those $30 ones you can buy at the store.  

We still may add some accessories to the costume before Halloween, but all in all it cost me less than $10 for the entire costume.  SWEET!

Sam chose a Mummy for his costume this year.  I was really excited about this because I knew that it would be another inexpensive costume to pull off, but I would still be able to enjoy making it.  I got a sweatsuit from Walmart (shhhh don't tell Sam, but he is wearing girl bottoms because they were out of the heather gray in boys) and 2 yards of plain fabric that cost less than $2 a yard.  I tore that fabric into strips and just hot glued it to the sweat suit.  Below is a pic of Sam at Brenna's party and his costume wasn't 100% complete yet, but even still I think it turned out well.  

As you can see there is still more sweatsuit that needs covered and come Halloween we will have his hair sprayed white and spiked up all over out of the head wraps.  He wants a little bit of dirt and blood splatters as well.  Not only was this costume cheap to make, BUT it will also be WARM on Halloween night.  Double bonus right?!?!  Though his girly friend would much rather him be her Prince Charming, I think she was okay with a "Mummy Prince" instead...

  

Yet another year of costumes to be proud of if I do say so myself!

All these above pictures come courtesy of Brenna's 7th Birthday Bash.  Brenna's birthday party theme selection was a PERFECT choice to put me in the Fall spirit.  I got to create a Monster Ball for my princess.  Surprisingly, I didn't break the bank with this party either... though I personally think it looks like I did.  The best part of homemade stuff is that in most cases it costs far less than what you can buy in a store.  Homemade also looks better (in my opinion anyway).  I have discovered that the dollar store really is the BEST place to get the bulk of stuff for parties (plates, cups, table cloths, spiderweb, goody bag fillers).  My number one tip for birthday parties it DO NOT buy the cups and plates with characters on them to match the theme.  They are rediculously priced and really unnecessary.  After about five minutes of food on them they end up in the trash anyway, so go to the dollar store and just pick a color that coordinates with the theme. The dollar store really does carry the majority of must haves for parties, and it saves a GRUNDLE of Moolah!  I can't tell you how many bags of spider web I used this year, but I can tell you that I was grateful for the dollar store for this one decor choice alone.  I have spiderweb spread indoors and outdoors. My black, white, and red living room really is the PERFECT place to create that creepy, but classy, Halloween environment.  

The Perfect place to host a Monster Ball...

Now Brenna's Monster Ball was no simple event.  It wouldn't have been complete without all the homemade Halloween treats I made... We really had it all....

And you had better believe that the majority of this food was devoured by all the little ones that attended...

We painted little pumpkins too...

(Which may not have been one of my better ideas because paint ended up in far more places than just the pumpkins)

I should have known better.

All in all though, I hosted a pretty good Monster Ball and Brenna was very happy with the event as well.  

 Brenna has been blessed with some pretty awesome friends.  She had a great turn out (above pic isn't even everyone who showed) and made out like the little princess she is.

October is in full swing and this is just a small amount of the fun I have been able to have this year.  Being a teacher opens up a whole other world of fun and creativity.  Up next in our month is all the Halloween celebrations themselves.  I have two days of Halloween festivities at school with my own kids and my preschool kids, then of course there is HALLOWEEN!

I sure hope everyone is enjoying the Fall and October as much as I have been... It really is a time of year that brings joy to my house. 

Happy 7th Birthday to my Lou

WHAT?!?!?!

That can't be right...

7???

Yup, it's true...

My first born, my princess, my mini-me, my little raven, my baby girl, my Brenna Lou is 7 years old today.

Now I could make that so often used statement of "this makes me REALLY old," BUT when I said this to Brenna last night while tucking her into bed her response was...

"No you're not mom.  You are young, and you are BEAUTIFUL... But Dad, he's really old!"

So rather than making this post about just how OLD my baby girl turning seven makes me feel I am going to make it about just how WISE my 7 year old is.

Above statement proves that she is wise beyond her seven years... 

Her Dad is REALLY old.
I'm still rockin' my 20's

(for another seven months that is...)

Okay, okay... now lets get serious here.

Brenna seriously blows me away daily.  I really catch myself thinking "How did I get so lucky to be blessed with such amazing kids?" on a regular basis.  I have never met a seven year old with the maturity level of Brenna's.  She is such an old soul in a young little body.  We were told a time or twenty by Bill's Grandpa Tomlin that he believed a little piece of Maurine (Bill's Grandma Tomlin) was sent back to this earth in Brenna.  The more time goes by and the more of Brenna's little personality comes shining through I too have begun to believe that Bill's Grandpa could have been right.  Brenna has a very subtle way about her.  She is very observant and cautious.  She is very good at reading people and knows very quickly who she does and does not want to invest her time and energy into building relationships with.  Now I didn't get to spend much time with Bill's Grandma Tomlin, but there are things I see in Brenna that remind me so much of the woman I was able to get to know.  Brenna has this way of carrying herself.  She is very modest, poised, proper.... Elegant.  Watching Brenna walk and dance really can be mesmerizing.  She carries herself so well it almost seems as though she is floating.  

(I probably sound crazy... forgive me)

I saw Bill's Grandma Tomlin much in this same light.  Had I not known better I would have sworn that Bill's Grandma Tomlin would have been some kind of royalty because she really did have that same elegance that Brenna exudes.  

This elegance doesn't just apply to Brenna's outward appearance, but is also present in her inward person.  

She has been faced with a bit more tests this past year in her social life (having started school and all).  Situations that in many cases would result in a child her age having melt downs, a lack of self worth, really struggling to find their place.  Brenna, however, is not affected in the same way you would assume a child her age would be.  In fact she allows very little to change who she is, how she feels about herself, or how she feels about others.  Brenna holds strong to forming her own opinions about most everything in life based upon her own experiences and/or findings.  Just because Bob doesn't like Fred, and Fred is her best friend, doesn't mean Brenna won't be Bob's friend as it would in many cases with children of this age.  Brenna is very much the opposite.  She has stumbled upon a few situations in fact where this same type of mind set has been present.  I must say that I am VERY proud with the way my little girl dealt with these situations.  Like I said... she is a wise little one and I am certain it was gifted from someone above. 

In the last year Brenna has transformed so much.  She went from being seen still as my baby to this young lady.  Though she will forever remain my baby girl, most all of her baby like features have vanished and she is so NOT little.  One day (sooner than later I'm sure) she will tower over me.  She is smart!  She is currently well above average in all areas academically and continues to just breeze by with what seems to require very little effort on her part.  She just gets it... ALL OF IT!  One of my FAVORITE parts of the changes and growth that Brenna has made this past year is that she is more interested in talking to me about serious stuff.  She confides in me about boys, friends, things that make her happy and sad, school... all those things that mom's love to talk to their kids about.  One of my most recent favorite topic choices between she and I has to be one we had about how it's okay be different and unique.  Along with how important it is to be accepting of differences in others as well.  This conversation was sparked by the recent charity event the kids and I attended for children with Down Syndrome.  I should have known better than to assume that my kids would be a bit thrown off or caught off guard by the children they would encounter at this event.  My kids really are some of the most accepting children I know.  The questions they had really had nothing to do with why these kids were different or why they had physical differences.  The most my kids wanted to know about these kids was why we were helping them because they saw them as equals to them.  They looked past these differences and saw kids, just like them.  Kids that liked the same things they did and kids that really were fun to be around.  This event struck a soft spot with me to begin with.  I loved every moment spent at this event, but what really tugged on my heart strings was what I witnessed with my own kids.  Many kids would be frightened by such differences in people, but mine weren't even phased by different.  I am so proud knowing that different doesn't phase them. 

I see a very bright and successful year to come for my little girl.  I know that she will continue to surprise me and make me proud.  I know that seven really isn't that old, but I feel that this little girl and I have really begun to develop a mother/daughter relationship that far exceeds anything I ever imagined.  She really is a brilliant child, with a heart larger than life.  I look forward to continuing to watch her transform into what I am sure will be nothing short of pure perfection.  

I would have never believed that ones heart could hold the capacity of love that mine holds for my children.  In the 7 years that I have been a mom, I have gained a great knowledge and appreciation for the term "A mother's love runs deep."  Every ounce of me lives for these children of mine. 

Happy Birthday, my Little Lou.

Mommy loves you more than most...

What I've been up to...

**CHAOS**

Doesn't even begin to describe what my life has become.

I have found myself asking "What did I get myself into?", 

But then on days like today (we had a school fund raising carnival) when I am casually walking the school grounds watching my own kids play I am humbly reminded why I got myself into what I have. Why I chose this career path for myself. 

I was reminded that I don't just have 2 kids anymore...

I have a whole ton of them, all under the age of 5.

As I enjoyed this time with my own kids, I was frequently approached by my preschool kids with big hugs and big smiles.  I loved just how excited they were to see ME!

(as if I am someone special)

I'll tell you what, they sure did make me feel special.

Days like today put a whole new perspective on my job, my title, the role I play in these little ones lives... 

And it intensifies my purpose in their world, my world....

This world.  

I thoroughly enjoy being a teacher and interacting with such adorable, fun, crazy, little ones everyday.  I am learning a great deal about myself, along with my own children through this process as well.  Lessons that I don't feel I would have ever learned, nor appreciated as much as I do now.  I am learning what it really means to be patient and I am learning that I am totally capable of being patient.  I have gained a new appreciation for what amazing children I have and for the minimal time I now get to spend with them everyday.  The time away from one another has been good because we enjoy our time together SO MUCH MORE!  I enjoy being with my kids everyday, but not really being with  them.  We are at school together and it is relieving to know that though they have both embarked upon their own little journey's and gaining independence, I am still very close (Brenna's classroom is right next door to mine actually).  It's given us just the amount of space we needed without really having to be that far away from one another. They find comfort in knowing that I am there in that school somewhere, and I the same.  It is also fun to have those moments when we do pass by one another in the hallways and we get so excited to see one another.  I know that this excitement won't last forever, so I am soaking it in as much as possible.

People told me that being a teacher required a great deal of commitment, this I thought I understood.  I didn't really.  I wasn't quite prepared for just how much time, money, and effort teachers put in daily just to ensure that their students are getting the very best education they can give.  I was given my first assignment to lesson plan for two days.  I wasn't prepared for the fact that it would take me 5 HOURS to plan for just these two days.  Providing fun, engaging, cost effective, new, and exciting lessons really is difficult to do.  I wasn't prepared for that.  I'm sure that this is something that I will get better with in time, but this was 5 hours of unpaid time that I devoted to these children.  As I was planning these couple of lessons, I realized that I wasn't doing it because I had to, but because I wanted to.  It was fun and important to me.  Last night I was up until 1am because time got away from me as I searched the web for more lesson ideas.  I quickly became consumed by all the fun ideas I had flowing through my brain... 

I am SO EXCITED to be doing this!

 I haven't really ever felt "at home" in a job until now.  

Though I miss my free time, as limited as it was, I'm not quite certain I would want to go back to just being at home.  I've needed something different for awhile, I just didn't realize it until now.  Not that I don't love, or appreciate the time I did have as a stay at home mom... it was just time for a change and this is a change I think that we all can handle and benefit from.  

Due to the new demands that my job requires, my family has had to really commit to a pretty strict schedule.  The kids are very active in after school extra curricular activities, which requires that we all play a role in life at home.  The kids haven't really been too keen on the "helping out" thing, but I have really put my foot down on their cleanliness issues.  Before it was easy for me to just pick up after them, but now I simply don't have the time.  It's been hard to hold them accountable for their own messes, but thus far I have stuck to my guns and they have had no other option but to comply.  Their rooms have stayed clean and I have kept on them about having friends help clean up messes made prior to going home.  They are beginning to understand it's easier to encourage their friends help them clean the messes they help make rather than have to clean it up alone.  I have also held them to the rule that NOTHING happens after school until homework is done.  This they haven't argued one bit.  We walk in the door and the first thing we do is sit at the table and do homework.  This does become difficult though simply because all that extra curricular stuff we have going on.  Brenna goes to dance three days a week (Mon., Tues., and Thurs.).  School gets out at 3:45 and we don't leave until 4pm because I have to clean up the classroom and get ready for the next day.  Brenna's dance classes start as early as 4:30, but we have managed to stick to this homework rule even with the crazy dance schedule.  Tuesday nights she dances for two hours, but on Mon. and Thurs. she is only at dance for 1 hour.  It keeps her busy, but not too busy...

AND she loves it.  Sam is in Karate 2 days a week as well.  He goes Friday afternoons and Saturday mornings.  He also has the option of going Mon. evenings, but thus far I feel we just have way too much going on to commit to another night.  Though he hasn't been in karate long, thus far he seems to really enjoy it.  We are hoping that through this activity choice he will learn self control and respect more than what we have been able to teach him.  Our little Sam has quite the temper, one that gets away from him far too often.  I hope that he learns to better control that temper before it becomes a bigger problem for him and us.  I'm quite confident that he will gain this and much more from karate.  

On top of all our daily commitments we have had a whole lot of other stuff on as well.  My mom sold her house and had to move.  We spent all of last week helping her pack and then a crazy busy weekend getting her big house moved into a smaller, cozier house.  The weekend prior I also had the opportunity to photograph the 2012 Utah Buddy Walk.  I have still not yet found the time to edit and get these photographs posted, but in my defense we have a WHOLE LOT of new stuff going on in life AND there are nearly 500 pictures to go through and edit... 

I will however BE SURE to get this done this weekend and get a post done.  I can't wait to blog about this experience, it was truly amazing and life changing.  This is an event I intend to support in whatever way possible in years to come.  These children and their families are seriously inspirational and FUN!   

So, there is a very short run down of what I have been up to...

A whole lot going on and a whole lot to get used to.

Gotta keep reminding myself, 

CHANGE IS GOOD...

In Loving Memory of Our Friend John

What a somber couple of weeks it has been in our house...

As we learned of the most current downfall in the health of our friend John, our family was really forced to come to terms with the reality of the situation.

Well over a year ago John was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer.  We were extremely saddened by this news as our boy Sam had really grown to love his "best buddy" John and we had been forced out of our home that neighbored theirs not long before this sad news came.  Our family had experienced a great loss by having to leave these neighbors we so dearly loved and now we knew that John's life would be cut far too short.  John was given only an expected short 6 months to live.  Very heartbreaking for his family and all those who had grown to love and adore this man.

My Sam I Am, along with our family, being among those.  

I'm not quite certain why, but John quickly took to our son Sam.  Soon after Sam was born, you could quickly notice a spark in John's eyes.  He seemed excited that my son was a part of his world.  Even as minimal as it was, John was still moved by the fact that there was this little boy now living right next door.  As the few years began rushing by Sam grew up and this immediate bond between Sam and John grew as well.  Sam spent many, many, many hours with John.  They would throw the balls too John's dogs nearly every evening when John got home from work.  They would pick John's vegetables from the garden. They would sit together and pick and eat the raspberries that lined John's back fence.  John and Lynn (his wonderful wife) would spoil my kids regularly with frozen goodies from their freezer.  Creamies were always better when they came from Lynn and John.  Sam and Brenna would invade their house  every time Lynn and John had their granddaughters over for swimming fun.  Sam and John would sit and talk about rocks that John had collected, so of course Sam had to start collecting them too. We had many summer evenings spent talking and laughing on their front porch, enjoying a casual drink together.  Our last holiday spent in our old house before moving was spent with John, Lynn, and their family.  They had become our family of sorts, our happy little "Mindy Circle" family. Great memories were being made daily with Lynn and John in the years that we lived next door to them, years that we will cherish for the rest of our lives. 

Sam naturally began to refer to John as his "Best Buddy" and John would refer to Sam as the same.

I had never really seen such a bond between a grown man and a small boy, but these two really had something special.

They were the best of friends.

Many times I would sit back in awe as my son walked hand in hand with his Best Buddy John.  My heart would swell with joy.

It's not very often in life that you find people that leave such a mark in your life, but here my son was just a toddler and had already built an amazing friendship... One that would never fade.

We were very saddened when we had to move away.  Sam asked to go see John daily, which in time became less frequent.  I, as the mother to this sweet boy, have a great deal of guilt in my heart because I could have done better.  I could have committed to regular routine visits with Lynn and John, but as so often happens... Life just got in the way. 
We would talk about getting together, planning a barbecue with our families, going out to the west desert and looking for rocks, or a day trip out to the geode beds... But it never happened. 

We would visit randomly and of course send holiday greetings.  We would touch base with the family through facebook, but looking back I really didn't do enough.  I could have done better, I should have done better.  My Sam deserved to maintain that bond that he formed with John, but I so selfishly made that difficult for them both.  To be truthful after having been given the news of John's illness I was scared for my boy.  Scared for the heartbreak I knew that he was going to endure when John passed away.  I am pretty sure I was subconsciously trying to protect my boy, my family, myself.  Having experienced what losing someone to cancer was like, I was not looking forward to experiencing that again nor did I want my Sweet Sam to have to endure that heartbreak at such a young age.  My protective nature as a mother didn't work.  That bond between John and Sam never did fade, it wasn't forgotten, nor was it ever replaced.  

During our last visit with John, I knew in my heart that would be the last.  I took in every moment of that visit.  The look in his eyes when we walked in the door, when he saw Sam, is one I will never forget.  He was beyond happy and grateful to see that little guy.  His eyes immediately filled with tears, which he would quickly pull back.  Those tears however filled his eyes often during that visit.  Sam brought John a rock during that visit.  It was a "special" rock that Sam knew John would just love.  He was right, it brought a smile to John's eyes.  I know that this smile wasn't because the rock was really something spectacular to look at, but because he knew that Sam thought of him and hadn't forgotten one bit about all the time they have spent together.  It didn't matter to Sam that John didn't look the same.  He wasn't phased one bit by how his illness had changed him.  Sam climbed right up by him and told him about his new house, school, his friends, and all his rocks he had collected at home.  They talked about the raspberries and about the dogs.  They were still "Best Buddies."
 Saying goodbye that day was very difficult.  Sam wanted to go back as soon as we left and quite frankly I did too.  I knew that would be the last time we would see John's smiling face.  That was really hard to take in.  We have had a lot of tears over the past couple months as John became extremely ill.  Part of me was still wanting to protect my boy, but part of me wanted to be that super annoying person and invade those last weeks so we could get all the time in we could in the short time he had left. 


Sam loves John, we all love John, and our heart is left broken...

On Thursday, September 6th, 2012, our dear friend John lost his battle with cancer.  He fought long and he fought hard.  With much determination, along with a whole lot of stubbornness, he proved those doctors wrong.  He far surpassed that 6 month life expectancy and was proud of that.  He was grateful for that.
John's friendship is one that will never be forgotten nor taken for granted.  We are grateful for the time we did have and we are grateful for the extra time he was given to enjoy his family, watch his granddaughters grow, and marry the love of his life Lynn.
Although this loss has been rough on Sam, he is wise beyond his years and is certain that John is watching over him and can see him everyday.  He found is peace in that.  Today Sam took Johns picture to school in his backpack where it was intended to stay, but instead he decided he wanted to share his picture with his class and tell of all the wonderful memories he has of John.  I am sure that talking about it helps Sam with the closure process and allows him to feel close to John even though he isn't here.  

The world lost an amazing man, we lost a friend, and Sam lost his "Best Buddy" but what we didn't lose are all the fond memories we made with him.  I'll make certain that my boy never forgets this great man and that their bond, even in death, never fades.  

RIP JOHN
Until we meet again...

Kindergarten Sam

My Boy...

My Baby...

My little Sam I am...

How did this day creep up so quickly? 

I'm seriously at a loss of how to explain my emotions today.  

I really am mostly excited and happy to start this chapter in our lives, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't even the slightest bit sad and overwhelmed by it all.

THIS ^^^^^

Is how I still see my baby boy when I look at him.  

The sweet, innocent, always smiling, happy, precious, fun, flirty, energetic, perfect baby boy.  

When I think about how this baby boy of mine has now embarked upon his school days, it really begins to tug at my heart strings. 

Granted, I am super excited for the added ME time and new beginnings that have come my way...

BUT part of me still wants to be that stay-at-home mom I have been for the last 7 years.

It's what I know and who I am.

As I mentioned before, HERE, I often find myself wishing I had a pause button or rewind button for our life.  What I would give to go back to moments like this with my little ones... 

(Note: Please ignore my totally obnoxious baby talk.  We are all guilty of this right? Totally lame of me I know.)

I miss those sweet baby grins, coos, and giggles.

I miss the sweet smell of their baby skin.

I miss their cute kissable little toes.

I miss them being entirely dependent upon me.

Selfish right?

Who cares, EVERY mother out there totally gets what I am saying. 

We want our children to need us forever, but slowly their need for us begins to fade.

My baby boy just spent an entire day at school, without me. 

THAT, I think, is what is most difficult for me to take in.

With every year and every milestone that passes us by, my babies need me a little less and less.  

AND

IT'S SO HARD TO LET THEM GO!

Today we walked up to the school and without hesitation Sam walked right up to his classroom door, put his backpack at the front of the line, and took off to the playground.  There was absolutely NO hesitation in his step.  He was ready for this day.  He really acted like an old pro...

Cause ya know, he had watched sissy all year last year so he knew the drill and didn't even need my help.

That's slightly heartbreaking.

Now, I was totally that obnoxious picture taking mom this morning.

Totally obsessive and slightly over-board.

 Snapping pictures of every little step Sam took.  Every possible emotion I could capture.  I needed to remember this day.  It was important to me and to him.  I got some awesome pictures too...

Then my stupid computer decided it would so graciously delete every picture that I took today.

Weird thing is, it was only the pictures I took today... the couple hundred that I had taken prior to today were still there.  It just decided that this moment in time, this milestone of our life, is one that I didn't need to have documented.  

I cried.

Like a wee little baby I cried.

No, worse than that... I uncontrollably cried that really pathetic and embarrassing cry where you can't catch your breath and boogers are pouring out your nose.

Yep, That's the one.

My baby's first day of 

KINDERGARTEN

and all the pictures were gone.

If you ask me, that just plain old SUCKS!

I called up my sweet, beautiful, talented friend Shelley

(check out her blog HERE... Really, she's amazing)

to see if she knew how to get them back and she so graciously offered to bring her camera to the school for me when I picked him up to ensure that I was able to get at least SOME pictures from his first day.  I took my camera along too, but considering the events of the day I wasn't too trusting of it.

I'm SO GLAD that she did too cause she captured this VERY awesome, TOTALLY priceless, MOMENT OF A LIFETIME...

Brought to you courtesy of  Shelley @ House of Smiths

Yep, that's right!  

I'm just SO busy and really important.

"I'm kind of a big deal right now!"

See what I mean about talent? 

And she was even able to capture my "good" side...

By that I mean my right, NOT my rear I swear!

Okay, okay... Back to my boy.

I was able to get some pictures when I went to pick him up from school.  I made my way into the classroom in those last ten minutes and snapped a few shots of him enjoying his class and friends,

both old and new.  We lucked out and got Mrs. Wilkin for a teacher this year.  She was Brenna's teacher last year and we all just LOVE her.  Sam also has a couple of people he already knows in class with him as well. His buddy Jake was in his preschool class and also takes karate with him.  Sweet little Lexi is the daughter of a long time family friend of Bill's and now myself.  

Photo Courtesy of Shelley @ House of Smiths

Sam came home FULL of excitement.  He let me know that they get 3 recesses in Kindergarten (which was his favorite part) and that he got to eat breakfast for lunch.  

"Mom, you know those things that are like waffles, but they're NOT waffles and you dip them in syrup?"

That's what he had for lunch.

HE LOVES KINDERGARTEN!

We did however learn that he had a bit of a melt down at lunch.  Not really melt down I guess, but rather a bit of confusion... accompanied by his stubbornness. 

Sam insisted that I was coming to eat lunch with him.  He wouldn't sit with his class because he was going to sit with me. It took the teachers a bit to convince him it was okay to sit with his class and that I could sit with him when I showed up.

Unfortunately, I never showed up.

I never intended to eat lunch with him today... I was working.

At one point in the weeks leading up to school starting I had told Sam that it was cool that I would be working at his school because that meant that I would be able to come and eat lunch with him sometimes.  I didn't mean today AND I didn't mean everyday.

He, however, thought that is exactly what I meant.

We have since worked that little bit of misinformed information out and he seems to be understanding of the fact that I won't be eating with him on a daily basis.

Let's hope that tomorrow goes a bit more smooth for his teachers.

Photo Courtesy of Shelley @  House of Smiths

I love this boy more than words can express.  I'm proud of the little man he is becoming.  I am excited to continue to watch him grow, advance, and succeed in life.  I am HONORED to be his Mommy. 

I love you son, To the moon and back.

Xoxo

Here's to Kindergarten and many more milestones to come.

Brenna's First Day of 1st Grade...

Once upon a time,

I had two kids in diapers...

and now,

I have two kids in school ALL DAY!

It's really bitter sweet....

(Sam doesn't start until Thursday, so his post will come later this week)

THIS is all about BRENNA today!

My baby girl...

Where did the time go?

It seems like just yesterday that I was watching her learn to walk, talk, getting her first hair cut, potty training, and kissing her boo boo's all better.

It seems like just yesterday that she needed me and now here we are, a blink of an eye later, and she is so grown up.

Turning 7 soon and Miss Independent.  

No boo boo's to kiss better...

She doesn't need me like she used to anymore.  

I spent a great deal of time this weekend looking through old pictures and videos in an attempt to locate some important pictures I needed, but rather found myself consumed by this overwhelming feeling of... 

Sadness isn't the right word cause I'm so happy to watch my kids learn and grow and become amazing people, but sadness is what I am going with.  

I cried.

A LOT!

I can't believe how much of my children's lives I had forgotten already...

In regards to Brenna I had forgotten just how sweet her little baby voice was, just how precious her little giggle was, and just how heart melting her little grin was.

As I looked at these pictures and videos I was reminded of just how precious these years with my kids have been.

I was reminded of just how quickly time flies and how easily it is to get caught up in the everyday.

I was reminded that I need to SLOW DOWN and appreciate the years to come.

I am so proud of the little lady my Lou is becoming,

but sometimes I wish I had a pause button, or rewind button, so I could enjoy these stages in life just a bit longer.  

Happy First Day of FIRST GRADE my Brenna Lou...

Mommy loves you to the moon and back!