What I've been up to...

**CHAOS**

Doesn't even begin to describe what my life has become.

I have found myself asking "What did I get myself into?", 

But then on days like today (we had a school fund raising carnival) when I am casually walking the school grounds watching my own kids play I am humbly reminded why I got myself into what I have. Why I chose this career path for myself. 

I was reminded that I don't just have 2 kids anymore...

I have a whole ton of them, all under the age of 5.

As I enjoyed this time with my own kids, I was frequently approached by my preschool kids with big hugs and big smiles.  I loved just how excited they were to see ME!

(as if I am someone special)

I'll tell you what, they sure did make me feel special.

Days like today put a whole new perspective on my job, my title, the role I play in these little ones lives... 

And it intensifies my purpose in their world, my world....

This world.  

I thoroughly enjoy being a teacher and interacting with such adorable, fun, crazy, little ones everyday.  I am learning a great deal about myself, along with my own children through this process as well.  Lessons that I don't feel I would have ever learned, nor appreciated as much as I do now.  I am learning what it really means to be patient and I am learning that I am totally capable of being patient.  I have gained a new appreciation for what amazing children I have and for the minimal time I now get to spend with them everyday.  The time away from one another has been good because we enjoy our time together SO MUCH MORE!  I enjoy being with my kids everyday, but not really being with  them.  We are at school together and it is relieving to know that though they have both embarked upon their own little journey's and gaining independence, I am still very close (Brenna's classroom is right next door to mine actually).  It's given us just the amount of space we needed without really having to be that far away from one another. They find comfort in knowing that I am there in that school somewhere, and I the same.  It is also fun to have those moments when we do pass by one another in the hallways and we get so excited to see one another.  I know that this excitement won't last forever, so I am soaking it in as much as possible.

People told me that being a teacher required a great deal of commitment, this I thought I understood.  I didn't really.  I wasn't quite prepared for just how much time, money, and effort teachers put in daily just to ensure that their students are getting the very best education they can give.  I was given my first assignment to lesson plan for two days.  I wasn't prepared for the fact that it would take me 5 HOURS to plan for just these two days.  Providing fun, engaging, cost effective, new, and exciting lessons really is difficult to do.  I wasn't prepared for that.  I'm sure that this is something that I will get better with in time, but this was 5 hours of unpaid time that I devoted to these children.  As I was planning these couple of lessons, I realized that I wasn't doing it because I had to, but because I wanted to.  It was fun and important to me.  Last night I was up until 1am because time got away from me as I searched the web for more lesson ideas.  I quickly became consumed by all the fun ideas I had flowing through my brain... 

I am SO EXCITED to be doing this!

 I haven't really ever felt "at home" in a job until now.  

Though I miss my free time, as limited as it was, I'm not quite certain I would want to go back to just being at home.  I've needed something different for awhile, I just didn't realize it until now.  Not that I don't love, or appreciate the time I did have as a stay at home mom... it was just time for a change and this is a change I think that we all can handle and benefit from.  

Due to the new demands that my job requires, my family has had to really commit to a pretty strict schedule.  The kids are very active in after school extra curricular activities, which requires that we all play a role in life at home.  The kids haven't really been too keen on the "helping out" thing, but I have really put my foot down on their cleanliness issues.  Before it was easy for me to just pick up after them, but now I simply don't have the time.  It's been hard to hold them accountable for their own messes, but thus far I have stuck to my guns and they have had no other option but to comply.  Their rooms have stayed clean and I have kept on them about having friends help clean up messes made prior to going home.  They are beginning to understand it's easier to encourage their friends help them clean the messes they help make rather than have to clean it up alone.  I have also held them to the rule that NOTHING happens after school until homework is done.  This they haven't argued one bit.  We walk in the door and the first thing we do is sit at the table and do homework.  This does become difficult though simply because all that extra curricular stuff we have going on.  Brenna goes to dance three days a week (Mon., Tues., and Thurs.).  School gets out at 3:45 and we don't leave until 4pm because I have to clean up the classroom and get ready for the next day.  Brenna's dance classes start as early as 4:30, but we have managed to stick to this homework rule even with the crazy dance schedule.  Tuesday nights she dances for two hours, but on Mon. and Thurs. she is only at dance for 1 hour.  It keeps her busy, but not too busy...

AND she loves it.  Sam is in Karate 2 days a week as well.  He goes Friday afternoons and Saturday mornings.  He also has the option of going Mon. evenings, but thus far I feel we just have way too much going on to commit to another night.  Though he hasn't been in karate long, thus far he seems to really enjoy it.  We are hoping that through this activity choice he will learn self control and respect more than what we have been able to teach him.  Our little Sam has quite the temper, one that gets away from him far too often.  I hope that he learns to better control that temper before it becomes a bigger problem for him and us.  I'm quite confident that he will gain this and much more from karate.  

On top of all our daily commitments we have had a whole lot of other stuff on as well.  My mom sold her house and had to move.  We spent all of last week helping her pack and then a crazy busy weekend getting her big house moved into a smaller, cozier house.  The weekend prior I also had the opportunity to photograph the 2012 Utah Buddy Walk.  I have still not yet found the time to edit and get these photographs posted, but in my defense we have a WHOLE LOT of new stuff going on in life AND there are nearly 500 pictures to go through and edit... 

I will however BE SURE to get this done this weekend and get a post done.  I can't wait to blog about this experience, it was truly amazing and life changing.  This is an event I intend to support in whatever way possible in years to come.  These children and their families are seriously inspirational and FUN!   

So, there is a very short run down of what I have been up to...

A whole lot going on and a whole lot to get used to.

Gotta keep reminding myself, 

CHANGE IS GOOD...

In Loving Memory of Our Friend John

What a somber couple of weeks it has been in our house...

As we learned of the most current downfall in the health of our friend John, our family was really forced to come to terms with the reality of the situation.

Well over a year ago John was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer.  We were extremely saddened by this news as our boy Sam had really grown to love his "best buddy" John and we had been forced out of our home that neighbored theirs not long before this sad news came.  Our family had experienced a great loss by having to leave these neighbors we so dearly loved and now we knew that John's life would be cut far too short.  John was given only an expected short 6 months to live.  Very heartbreaking for his family and all those who had grown to love and adore this man.

My Sam I Am, along with our family, being among those.  

I'm not quite certain why, but John quickly took to our son Sam.  Soon after Sam was born, you could quickly notice a spark in John's eyes.  He seemed excited that my son was a part of his world.  Even as minimal as it was, John was still moved by the fact that there was this little boy now living right next door.  As the few years began rushing by Sam grew up and this immediate bond between Sam and John grew as well.  Sam spent many, many, many hours with John.  They would throw the balls too John's dogs nearly every evening when John got home from work.  They would pick John's vegetables from the garden. They would sit together and pick and eat the raspberries that lined John's back fence.  John and Lynn (his wonderful wife) would spoil my kids regularly with frozen goodies from their freezer.  Creamies were always better when they came from Lynn and John.  Sam and Brenna would invade their house  every time Lynn and John had their granddaughters over for swimming fun.  Sam and John would sit and talk about rocks that John had collected, so of course Sam had to start collecting them too. We had many summer evenings spent talking and laughing on their front porch, enjoying a casual drink together.  Our last holiday spent in our old house before moving was spent with John, Lynn, and their family.  They had become our family of sorts, our happy little "Mindy Circle" family. Great memories were being made daily with Lynn and John in the years that we lived next door to them, years that we will cherish for the rest of our lives. 

Sam naturally began to refer to John as his "Best Buddy" and John would refer to Sam as the same.

I had never really seen such a bond between a grown man and a small boy, but these two really had something special.

They were the best of friends.

Many times I would sit back in awe as my son walked hand in hand with his Best Buddy John.  My heart would swell with joy.

It's not very often in life that you find people that leave such a mark in your life, but here my son was just a toddler and had already built an amazing friendship... One that would never fade.

We were very saddened when we had to move away.  Sam asked to go see John daily, which in time became less frequent.  I, as the mother to this sweet boy, have a great deal of guilt in my heart because I could have done better.  I could have committed to regular routine visits with Lynn and John, but as so often happens... Life just got in the way. 
We would talk about getting together, planning a barbecue with our families, going out to the west desert and looking for rocks, or a day trip out to the geode beds... But it never happened. 

We would visit randomly and of course send holiday greetings.  We would touch base with the family through facebook, but looking back I really didn't do enough.  I could have done better, I should have done better.  My Sam deserved to maintain that bond that he formed with John, but I so selfishly made that difficult for them both.  To be truthful after having been given the news of John's illness I was scared for my boy.  Scared for the heartbreak I knew that he was going to endure when John passed away.  I am pretty sure I was subconsciously trying to protect my boy, my family, myself.  Having experienced what losing someone to cancer was like, I was not looking forward to experiencing that again nor did I want my Sweet Sam to have to endure that heartbreak at such a young age.  My protective nature as a mother didn't work.  That bond between John and Sam never did fade, it wasn't forgotten, nor was it ever replaced.  

During our last visit with John, I knew in my heart that would be the last.  I took in every moment of that visit.  The look in his eyes when we walked in the door, when he saw Sam, is one I will never forget.  He was beyond happy and grateful to see that little guy.  His eyes immediately filled with tears, which he would quickly pull back.  Those tears however filled his eyes often during that visit.  Sam brought John a rock during that visit.  It was a "special" rock that Sam knew John would just love.  He was right, it brought a smile to John's eyes.  I know that this smile wasn't because the rock was really something spectacular to look at, but because he knew that Sam thought of him and hadn't forgotten one bit about all the time they have spent together.  It didn't matter to Sam that John didn't look the same.  He wasn't phased one bit by how his illness had changed him.  Sam climbed right up by him and told him about his new house, school, his friends, and all his rocks he had collected at home.  They talked about the raspberries and about the dogs.  They were still "Best Buddies."
 Saying goodbye that day was very difficult.  Sam wanted to go back as soon as we left and quite frankly I did too.  I knew that would be the last time we would see John's smiling face.  That was really hard to take in.  We have had a lot of tears over the past couple months as John became extremely ill.  Part of me was still wanting to protect my boy, but part of me wanted to be that super annoying person and invade those last weeks so we could get all the time in we could in the short time he had left. 


Sam loves John, we all love John, and our heart is left broken...

On Thursday, September 6th, 2012, our dear friend John lost his battle with cancer.  He fought long and he fought hard.  With much determination, along with a whole lot of stubbornness, he proved those doctors wrong.  He far surpassed that 6 month life expectancy and was proud of that.  He was grateful for that.
John's friendship is one that will never be forgotten nor taken for granted.  We are grateful for the time we did have and we are grateful for the extra time he was given to enjoy his family, watch his granddaughters grow, and marry the love of his life Lynn.
Although this loss has been rough on Sam, he is wise beyond his years and is certain that John is watching over him and can see him everyday.  He found is peace in that.  Today Sam took Johns picture to school in his backpack where it was intended to stay, but instead he decided he wanted to share his picture with his class and tell of all the wonderful memories he has of John.  I am sure that talking about it helps Sam with the closure process and allows him to feel close to John even though he isn't here.  

The world lost an amazing man, we lost a friend, and Sam lost his "Best Buddy" but what we didn't lose are all the fond memories we made with him.  I'll make certain that my boy never forgets this great man and that their bond, even in death, never fades.  

RIP JOHN
Until we meet again...