What a somber couple of weeks it has been in our house...
As we learned of the most current downfall in the health of our friend John, our family was really forced to come to terms with the reality of the situation.
Well over a year ago John was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. We were extremely saddened by this news as our boy Sam had really grown to love his "best buddy" John and we had been forced out of our home that neighbored theirs not long before this sad news came. Our family had experienced a great loss by having to leave these neighbors we so dearly loved and now we knew that John's life would be cut far too short. John was given only an expected short 6 months to live. Very heartbreaking for his family and all those who had grown to love and adore this man.
My Sam I Am, along with our family, being among those.
I'm not quite certain why, but John quickly took to our son Sam. Soon after Sam was born, you could quickly notice a spark in John's eyes. He seemed excited that my son was a part of his world. Even as minimal as it was, John was still moved by the fact that there was this little boy now living right next door. As the few years began rushing by Sam grew up and this immediate bond between Sam and John grew as well. Sam spent many, many, many hours with John. They would throw the balls too John's dogs nearly every evening when John got home from work. They would pick John's vegetables from the garden. They would sit together and pick and eat the raspberries that lined John's back fence. John and Lynn (his wonderful wife) would spoil my kids regularly with frozen goodies from their freezer. Creamies were always better when they came from Lynn and John. Sam and Brenna would invade their house every time Lynn and John had their granddaughters over for swimming fun. Sam and John would sit and talk about rocks that John had collected, so of course Sam had to start collecting them too. We had many summer evenings spent talking and laughing on their front porch, enjoying a casual drink together. Our last holiday spent in our old house before moving was spent with John, Lynn, and their family. They had become our family of sorts, our happy little "Mindy Circle" family. Great memories were being made daily with Lynn and John in the years that we lived next door to them, years that we will cherish for the rest of our lives.
Sam naturally began to refer to John as his "Best Buddy" and John would refer to Sam as the same.
I had never really seen such a bond between a grown man and a small boy, but these two really had something special.
They were the best of friends.
Many times I would sit back in awe as my son walked hand in hand with his Best Buddy John. My heart would swell with joy.
It's not very often in life that you find people that leave such a mark in your life, but here my son was just a toddler and had already built an amazing friendship... One that would never fade.
We were very saddened when we had to move away. Sam asked to go see John daily, which in time became less frequent. I, as the mother to this sweet boy, have a great deal of guilt in my heart because I could have done better. I could have committed to regular routine visits with Lynn and John, but as so often happens... Life just got in the way.
We would talk about getting together, planning a barbecue with our families, going out to the west desert and looking for rocks, or a day trip out to the geode beds... But it never happened.
We would talk about getting together, planning a barbecue with our families, going out to the west desert and looking for rocks, or a day trip out to the geode beds... But it never happened.
We would visit randomly and of course send holiday greetings. We would touch base with the family through facebook, but looking back I really didn't do enough. I could have done better, I should have done better. My Sam deserved to maintain that bond that he formed with John, but I so selfishly made that difficult for them both. To be truthful after having been given the news of John's illness I was scared for my boy. Scared for the heartbreak I knew that he was going to endure when John passed away. I am pretty sure I was subconsciously trying to protect my boy, my family, myself. Having experienced what losing someone to cancer was like, I was not looking forward to experiencing that again nor did I want my Sweet Sam to have to endure that heartbreak at such a young age. My protective nature as a mother didn't work. That bond between John and Sam never did fade, it wasn't forgotten, nor was it ever replaced.
During our last visit with John, I knew in my heart that would be the last. I took in every moment of that visit. The look in his eyes when we walked in the door, when he saw Sam, is one I will never forget. He was beyond happy and grateful to see that little guy. His eyes immediately filled with tears, which he would quickly pull back. Those tears however filled his eyes often during that visit. Sam brought John a rock during that visit. It was a "special" rock that Sam knew John would just love. He was right, it brought a smile to John's eyes. I know that this smile wasn't because the rock was really something spectacular to look at, but because he knew that Sam thought of him and hadn't forgotten one bit about all the time they have spent together. It didn't matter to Sam that John didn't look the same. He wasn't phased one bit by how his illness had changed him. Sam climbed right up by him and told him about his new house, school, his friends, and all his rocks he had collected at home. They talked about the raspberries and about the dogs. They were still "Best Buddies."
Saying goodbye that day was very difficult. Sam wanted to go back as soon as we left and quite frankly I did too. I knew that would be the last time we would see John's smiling face. That was really hard to take in. We have had a lot of tears over the past couple months as John became extremely ill. Part of me was still wanting to protect my boy, but part of me wanted to be that super annoying person and invade those last weeks so we could get all the time in we could in the short time he had left.
Sam loves John, we all love John, and our heart is left broken...
On Thursday, September 6th, 2012, our dear friend John lost his battle with cancer. He fought long and he fought hard. With much determination, along with a whole lot of stubbornness, he proved those doctors wrong. He far surpassed that 6 month life expectancy and was proud of that. He was grateful for that.
John's friendship is one that will never be forgotten nor taken for granted. We are grateful for the time we did have and we are grateful for the extra time he was given to enjoy his family, watch his granddaughters grow, and marry the love of his life Lynn.
Although this loss has been rough on Sam, he is wise beyond his years and is certain that John is watching over him and can see him everyday. He found is peace in that. Today Sam took Johns picture to school in his backpack where it was intended to stay, but instead he decided he wanted to share his picture with his class and tell of all the wonderful memories he has of John. I am sure that talking about it helps Sam with the closure process and allows him to feel close to John even though he isn't here.
The world lost an amazing man, we lost a friend, and Sam lost his "Best Buddy" but what we didn't lose are all the fond memories we made with him. I'll make certain that my boy never forgets this great man and that their bond, even in death, never fades.
RIP JOHN
Until we meet again...
During our last visit with John, I knew in my heart that would be the last. I took in every moment of that visit. The look in his eyes when we walked in the door, when he saw Sam, is one I will never forget. He was beyond happy and grateful to see that little guy. His eyes immediately filled with tears, which he would quickly pull back. Those tears however filled his eyes often during that visit. Sam brought John a rock during that visit. It was a "special" rock that Sam knew John would just love. He was right, it brought a smile to John's eyes. I know that this smile wasn't because the rock was really something spectacular to look at, but because he knew that Sam thought of him and hadn't forgotten one bit about all the time they have spent together. It didn't matter to Sam that John didn't look the same. He wasn't phased one bit by how his illness had changed him. Sam climbed right up by him and told him about his new house, school, his friends, and all his rocks he had collected at home. They talked about the raspberries and about the dogs. They were still "Best Buddies."
Saying goodbye that day was very difficult. Sam wanted to go back as soon as we left and quite frankly I did too. I knew that would be the last time we would see John's smiling face. That was really hard to take in. We have had a lot of tears over the past couple months as John became extremely ill. Part of me was still wanting to protect my boy, but part of me wanted to be that super annoying person and invade those last weeks so we could get all the time in we could in the short time he had left.
Sam loves John, we all love John, and our heart is left broken...
On Thursday, September 6th, 2012, our dear friend John lost his battle with cancer. He fought long and he fought hard. With much determination, along with a whole lot of stubbornness, he proved those doctors wrong. He far surpassed that 6 month life expectancy and was proud of that. He was grateful for that.
John's friendship is one that will never be forgotten nor taken for granted. We are grateful for the time we did have and we are grateful for the extra time he was given to enjoy his family, watch his granddaughters grow, and marry the love of his life Lynn.
Although this loss has been rough on Sam, he is wise beyond his years and is certain that John is watching over him and can see him everyday. He found is peace in that. Today Sam took Johns picture to school in his backpack where it was intended to stay, but instead he decided he wanted to share his picture with his class and tell of all the wonderful memories he has of John. I am sure that talking about it helps Sam with the closure process and allows him to feel close to John even though he isn't here.
The world lost an amazing man, we lost a friend, and Sam lost his "Best Buddy" but what we didn't lose are all the fond memories we made with him. I'll make certain that my boy never forgets this great man and that their bond, even in death, never fades.
RIP JOHN
Until we meet again...
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