Is this it???

I look at my "baby" and it is hard to except that he isn't a baby anymore. Everyday he is learning, saying, and doing new things that take him further from "baby." Today was bitter sweet for me. It is no secret that we have been encouraging the use of the potty with him, but he has been very rebelious with it. He will show some interest in it and then retract and decide he wants to wear diapers, he wants to be a baby. Not sure why that has been, but if there is one thing I learned with Brenna it is to not force them into it, they will do it when they are ready. Well, I think today was that day... He woke up this morning and came climbing in my bed as usual, but was only there a moment when he said he needed to go pee and rushed to the potty. "okay cool." I thought nothing of it really. Then, about an hour later he rushed to the potty again.... "Hm, wierd." Before I knew it, it was noon and he hadn't peed his pants once... so I decided to put him in unders being that is usually when he decides he wants his diapers back... much to my surprise, he made it the ENTIRE day without an accident. I even got daring and took him out of the house in underwear, and he let me know when we were out running when he needed to go, and went. I think back at the last 4+ years of my life, and I don't know anything else in the world of motherhood but babies and diapers. I have been buying and changing diapers for over 4 years. It is crazy to think that I just might be at the end of the tunnel with this phase of motherhood... Way to go Monkey man, and THANK YOU!

Boy's...

So I am always posting the funny things Brenna says. Up until now, Sam's vocabulary just hasn't been quite large enough to get the "good stuff". I am now wondering how to turn off the learning of an "increased vocabulary." Last night, I took the kids to the library, (ask me if I plan to take Sam agian anytime soon.... not likely) and on our way home we went through the drive through to grab a bite to eat. Although Sam makes it hard to enjoy "dates" with my kids, he sure knows how to lighten my mood after having caused me so much stress. The gentleman at the window hands me our food and says "Have a nice day Mam'" (makes me feel old being a Mam') then Sam pipes up (REALLY LOUDLY might I add) "Have a nice day GUY!" Put a smile on my face.

A more embarrasing moment occured just two days prior. I can't for the life of me recall where we were, but Brenna needed to use the restroom, so of course Sam did too. As we were finishing up, I lifted Sam up to wash his hands... While I was reaching for a squirt of soap Sam yells, "Mom, your hurting my penis!" See what I mean about wanting to stop the learning process sometimes? Even though all the women surrounding us in the restroom just thought it was the funniest thing ever, and as usual "thought he was the cutest little boy ever," I couldn't stop the blood that rushed right to my face with embarrasement.

Worlds greatest mom turns the BIG 50!

Today we celebrated my mom's 50th birthday. The day started early as I picked her up at 8:45am with her favorite cup of coffee... A White Chocolate Mocha... and headed over to the Elase Acadamy for a hot stone massage (DREAMY) and mani's and pedi's. This was my moms first experience at a spa, and I hope that she continues pampering herself, she deserves it! We enjoyed a wonderful couple hours together, just she and I... I have missed spending time with her, this is an experience I am so happy to have shared with her and will value for the rest of my life. After a great and refreshing morning together, I dropped her off at home so my little brothers could get her ready for the surprise "they" had planned for her... really this was a surprise party planned by all of her kids. The boys showed up with the guest of honor at 4pm. She was so shocked to see all her kids there along with extended family and friends. Deffinately not something she expected... she was so surprised. We had a wonderful dinner in her honor, yummy soups and soup bowls... then we got to the presents. She opened some cards and a few gifts, then it came time to open a gift from her parents... a cat bed. All night she kept saying I can't have a cat, not yet, but we all knew she really really really wants one. So, of course she says, "where's the cat?" Grandma (her mom) says, "that is for when you get your new place, we know you want a kitty." Mom: "Awww Thanks!" Then the last present, from her grandbabies... As she is sitting there going on and on about the cat she has picked out for when she gets her own place... she pull out a piece of paper with a cute little kitty on it... the paper reads, "Meet Louis Vitton (Louis for sort) your new cat!"



Low and behold, guess what he is... A 10 month old Male Hymalayin (EXACTLY what she has had her heart set on). Needless to say, she Cried!

To top off the night, my bro in law Vic gave my mom a short little lap dance... totally innocent and absolutley hillarious. So glad that we were able to give my mom the best birthday ever. She deserves all the happiness in the world, and I think tonight she was reminded of what happiness feels like. Love you so much mom, Happy 50th Birthday!

The plan has changed...

So, now that we have all gotten a glimps of Sam in glasses, and just how cute he was in them... the plan has changed. I received a call from the eye doc today, expressing some concerns after having done a little homework/research himself and also having touched base with a few other docs he knows that deals specifically with pediatric vision therapy. Sam is no longer getting glasses, due to the simple fact that it is easy for his eyes to become so reliant on the glasses that it they could potentially weaken the muscles to the point that it would make therapy less effective and harder work for Sam. So, the new plan is that mid February we will be taking Sam in to see him again, and he will begin with teaching us some at home excersises to do with Sam. Granted these will be some very basic excersises, but the doc is hoping that with them we can at least maintain what control he still has of the muscles. We will then come up with a schedule as to how often we need to come in to have his eyes checked just so he can monitor his progress, if we are able to make any with these excersises. The doc did say that another option they may consider is a prism glasses that are soley for therapy. They would be ones that rather than compensating for his lack of control they would do just the oposite. They would rather over compensate, which would force his muscles to strengthen. These would be glasses that he would only wear about an hour a day. Again this would only be temporary until he is old enough to participate fully in vision therapy. The doc said that at this point, being that the effects of his palsy haven't gotten too bad as of yet, he is just going to try to keep him where he is at until therapy... now if with these hope excercises and when/if we do the therapy glasses his eyes still progressively get worse we will have to look into other options, like the glasses which were planned out originally or even surgery again. The doc agreed with me that we need to do all we can to keep him out of surgery, especially because the positive results from his last surgery only lasted about a year. He said that with every surgery, those muscles are damaged, and the more times they are cut and moved the more damaged they become. He said that eventually after numerous surgeries the effects of his palsy will become unrepairable with surgery, and also even eliminate the option of vision therapy because his eye muscles will have been weakened far too much by the surgeries. Man, I have high hopes for this new "plan".

Stress, Anxiety, and Coca-Cola... My unhealthy diet.

So, it has been brought to my attention that my current weightloss has become a concern for some of my family and friends. This isn't a post out of anger, but I just want to clarify for everyone that no I am not starving myself. No, I am not taking diet pills. No I am not on drugs. As these are naturally some of the first possible factors that come to mind. To be completely honest, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I am feeling an overwhelming sence of defeat in my life at the moment. All who know me, know that I am a people pleaser and a giver. I don't like tension, therefore I often conform to others wants of me in order to save myself from "dissapointing" the ones I love. Not only do I conform to be what others want me to be, but I have also been know to take ownership or responsibility for situations, that in all reality I are not mine to own. In the past 3 years I feel that everywhere I turn, defeat has been lurking closely behind me. I have tried my best to "deal" with things the way I felt was appropriate, but have recently discovered I have been avoiding having to properly process the effects these situations have really had on me. I can no longer mask the reality of my state of being. I am sad. I am lost. I am alone. Defeat is no longer lurking, defeat has overcome and conquered me. Please don't mistake this as a "pitty party" or me trying to put blame on anyone. I know I am fully to blame for my current state of being, I have created this "false" vision of me, I have allowed there to be expectations of me. Let me let you in on a little secret... as much as I like to pretend I am "perfect" as some may say, I am far from it. I am beyond perfect, I am damaged, so damaged that I fear I am "damaged beyond repair." I can no longer take on the responsibility to "fix" anything and everything. I know I am the one that needs the "fixing" and I can't do it alone. Is this a cry for help? Maybe. I do know one thing for sure, in order to climb and conquer this current "mountain" before me I must surrender myself. I am vulerable, a feeling I very much dislike.

Sam's new glasses...

Well, as most know Sam was diagnosed with superior oblique palsy before he was one year old. I am sure not many know what that is exactly, so I will explain it to the best of my ability... You have six muscles that extend from your optic nerve which surround the eye and hold them in place and also control the motion of the eye. One or more of those muscles on Sam's eyes are paralized, which means his eyes sit unevenly and don't move like they are supposed to causing him to see double vision, one on top of the other. Well, he had surgery just before he turned one in hopes to correct his eyes. What they did in surgery is they cut and repositioned some of the good muscles to compensate for the bad. The surgery was successful. His eyes looked great and the head tilt he had vanished. Well, in the past 8 months or so I have noticed his head tilt slowly returning and it is visably noticable to me that his eyes are no longer aligned like they should be. Some days the head tilt is worse than others because when he is tired or sick it seems he has less energy to control his eyes therefore the need to compensate by tilting his head is worse. Granted they aren't nearly as bad as they were prior to the surgery, but I know they will continue to worsen with time. We were told at the time of the surgery that it isn't a guarentee and that he would more than likely have to repeat the surgery during his lifetime, however they can't tell you how long each surgery will last before the eyes return to their original state. Could be a week, year, or even ten years... each person is different. Unfortunately for Sam the surgery was only effective for a little over a year before his eyes began to slowly return to there pre-surgery position. Being a mom, I struggle with the thought of having to put my baby through another surgery and see him hurt just to repeat it every couple years... breaks my heart. So, I took him into a different eye doctor and we have come up with a plan to try to prolong his need for surgery and possibly even eliminate the need for it ever again. He feels that Sam can gain some control back of the paralized muscles with vision therapy. Just like a stroke victim who becomes paralized, through therapy they are able to gain some control back. He said it is a neurological thing. However, being that Sam is only 2 1/2 he isn't quite old enough to follow direction as needed in order for therapy to be effective. So, until then we are going to put him in glasses. Now the lens' aren't like a normal lens to correct bad vision. They are called prism lens'. I don't know what that is exactly, but that is what they are. The only worry the doctor has is that the glasses act as a crutch and can (not often) make the condition worsen at a faster pace... Which means we would just have to replace his glasses more often until he is old enough for therapy... We have our fingers crossed thought that he will be able to get into vision therapy in the next year, being that he is quite the smart kid. So, these are the glasses we picked out, and I have heard NUMEROUS times now that he looks like Jonathan Lipnicki. You may recognize him from Jerry Maguire or Stewart Little. Personally I think Sam is cuter... What do you think?

TuTu Mania...

I have been knee keep in netting and elastic. I don't know what possesed me to do this, but I decided to make my great niece Asher and my "adopted" great niece Melody tutu's. Asher's turned out so cute and I wish I had taken a picture before I gave it to Ella, but I am hoping to see some pics of her in it soon! ;P After having seen Asher's of course Brenna wanted one. So I took her to the store to pick out her colors and flower. This is the final product. She wore it all day the morning I finished it. I think she looks so cute in it, and the tutu's really are all that difficult to make. I was thinking that I could make them and sell them, so if anyone is interested let me know... I haven't quite decided what to charge, I was thinking $30 custom made to order.

Pajama Day

Yesterday was pajama day at Brenna's school. Everyone wore thier favorite Jammies and took something soft and snuggly for show and tell. Then they watched and sang along to Banana's in Pajama's. I had totally forgotten about that show. My littlest brother Bronson used to LOVE that show when he was little. Brenna has quickly become a fan of it too...




Brenna decided to wear the jammies she got on Christmas eve, Her "Christmas Jammies," which is a tradition for our family, are the cutest things ever! We did her hair up in little messy buns, and I think she looked so stinkin' cute!



Sam was feeling a bit left out so we made a big deal about his new sneaker he got the night before, and of course he had to get a picture taken to show them off. He is very proud of them, he picked them out all on his own. This kid is growing so fast, and is making it very difficult to keep up with clothing and shoes!

They make me smile...

My kids are always doing/saying things that just make me giggle.... For instance: