A Week of Winter Woes and Influenza... and a little bit of talk about a giveaway.

How was your Holiday weekend?

(If you're wondering I'm referring to the Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday... I'm just really slow at this)

It's always nice to have those long weekends, especially if they follow a week that you were so eager to have end for whatever the reason... My reason, none other than looking forward to having time to catch up on house work that piled up when I was sick.  

Yeah, that didn't happen.

Sam came down with something that hit full force Saturday night.  

By full force I mean woke up in a hallucination panic as a result of a 104 point something fever that had shown no signs prior to putting him to bed that night.  He remained miserable with a very stubbornly high fever for several days following.  

My weekend off turned into a weekend full of fulfilling my nursing duties as a mother.  Administering medications every three hours around the clock, and of course left with clean up duty from those cough so hard you puke moments.  Yes, momentS... several of them.  All the while feeling helpless because I just couldn't make him feel better and I just couldn't get that darn fever under control.

We hit the doctors come Monday after he had no signs of improvement.  They swabbed him for influenza and though we have yet to receive test results back I'm willing to bet he was positive.  Of course the doctors these days can't really tell you exactly what is going on, it's more of a guessing game.   This time around our guessing game consisted of multiple antibiotics and upwards of $60 in hard earned cash.  At the very least one thing was made certain....

Sam had "an unknown object" lodged deep into his left ear that would require removal from an ENT (specialist) on a later date.  

Great... JUST GREAT! 

On the up side... I did fit in a little bit of fun time too.  

Saturday morning I ventured out with Brenna, as Bill and Sam took off for the motorcycle store (pre-illness mind you), for a little girl bonding and shopping.  We pick up my lil' sis Skylar on our way too.  It was a good day, though I failed to find what I was looking for.  In case you're wondering that would be pants that fit my chicken legs, flat butt, and wide hips without leaving me walking around with a very obvious camel toe.  What's the deal with pants these days?  Don't those designers know that we all don't maintain that high school figure for our entire life?  I mean I have reached the point in life that comfort hold priority over vanity.  I'm just not willing to walk around with my pants snug in all the wrong places, just so some unknown persons can get a nice look at what's meant to be hiding beneath the clothes.

PANTS WEREN'T MEANT TO BE MUNCHED!

Seriously though... am I the only one with this problem?  I sure hope not otherwise I may be forced to seek professional help.

Anyway, though I failed miserably in the shopping department, it was an over all good day because it was time spent with some awesome littles.  

Sunday offered up some more good weekend times as well with time spent with my Mom and siblings in celebration of her Birthday.  She is the most amazing 33 year old I know.  HA!  No joke though, she is an amazing woman and I think she deserves to be celebrated everyday, not just her birthday.  I'm blessed with a beautiful mother and I'm grateful for the sacrifices she has made for  my personal happiness.  I know from experience that as a mother nothing means more than knowing that your children love you and appreciate you.  So Mom, I want you to know just that.  I want you feel that wonderful feeling a mother feels when her child tells her she is loved and appreciated.  You know that feeling when you heart feels like it might burst out of your chest, your cheeks warm, and those happy tears start welling in your eyes...

I love you Mom. 

I appreciate you Mom.

I am grateful you chose to give me life...

And I'm so grateful for you.

Happy 33rd Birthday.

xoxo

(You have that feeling yet?  K. Good.)

Sam and Bill unfortunately missed out on this celebration because of Sam's being sick.  

That was pretty much the extent of my long holiday weekend...

Pretty exciting huh?

Tuesday Bill took the day off to stay home with Sam and play Mommy nurse as best he could with Sam while I went to work.  I had to take Wednesday duty with Sam (yet another doctors appointment to attend to) so we both had to take a day.  We all know how hard it is to go back to school and work after a long weekend.  Preschoolers are no exception.  They were antsy as was I.  It wasn't a terribly rough day, but it was obvious that not a single person who walked through our classroom door was happy to be there.  Those days are just always rough even if there isn't any stand out moments to blame the roughness on.  

Wednesday Sam and I were off to the doctors again...

This time to the ENT to have that unknown object removed from his ear.  Upon arrival it was made known that that unknown object wasn't just secluded to one ear... rather there were now unknown objects to talk about.  One in each ear.  Both deep inside, sitting on his ear drums.  This was NOT a fun experience.  It hurt. He cried.  I had to be strong and sit back as the doctor hurt my baby. Again, NOT FUN!  The ordeal was over quickly and we walked out that door in very minimal time, but not after forking out another $60+ in co-pays and prescriptions along with a scheduled hearing test and follow up visit for next week.  Ugh.  

Thursday brought with it freezing rain.  It was very unwelcome and much unappreciated.  I'm so over winter.  In case you missed it, refer back to my last post HERE. At this point, I just think it is all a very cruel joke.  Ice skating is meant for a rink... NOT the streets, parking lots, and sidewalks thank you very much.  Thursday at work didn't prove to be any easier than Tuesday.  I think this is a result of the unforgiving weather we have had here.  Everyone is anxious and board with having to be indoors ALL the time.  The lack of Vitamin D isn't helping things either.  I'm almost certain that every person living in this state is not far from being admitted to psych wards.  We are all going absolutely crazy.  Wonder if we can get  discounts on straight jackets if we order in bulk?  It's a thought. 

Before I go on another long rant about how miserable I am with our Alaskan like weather I'll stop here.  

Thursday also brought with it report cards...

I'm proud.

VERY PROUD.  

Both kids are excelling in school and I am so very pleased.  Sam has begun to read.  Though I'm proud this does make me a little sad to see my baby pick up a book and read it.  Brenna just flies through her work without much effort.  I'm have still yet to see the day that one of my children are faced with a bit of an academic struggle, and  I'm okay with that.  I'd be completely content if I never have to witness that struggle.  I personally had a love/hate relationship with school and Bill just flat out hated it so I am happy to see that my kids love it.  They love to learn and enjoy every moment doing so.

It's Friday.  Thank GOD for Friday.  I went and got coffee alone today.  Had a conversation with a friend that I haven't had much time to chat with. Then went and helped with reading in Sam's class.  Yes, I love teaching so much that I volunteer my time on my day's off.  Nice thing about volunteering my time is that I get to leave when I decide.  Today's volunteer work was short and sweet.  An hour is all, but Sam was happy.  That's what mattered.  We even managed to reach temperatures above freezing today.  Though that 35 degrees didn't last long... I was VERY grateful for that heat wave.  I almost busted out the flip flops!

Right.......

This weekend we have BIG plans.  Because the kids did so well on their report cards they are being rewarded for their hard efforts at school.  Sam and Bill are headed off to the Monster Trucks tomorrow night and Brenna and I are going to go get our creativity on at ColorMeMine.  I am SO excited for the day I have planned for Brenna and I.  A friend of mine did this with her girls and I have been wanting to experience this with Brenna ever since I saw how much fun they had.  I was just waiting for the right time.  No better time than now!  An added benefit of doing this with her tomorrow is that they are hosting a pajama night so now Brenna and I get to go out and buy some matching jammies to wear.  FUN!  

(It also helps that if we come in jammies we get in for a VERY discounted rate... BONUS!)

What will your weekend bring?  Sure hope it's good...

Before I go I must say this...

My sister is having a giveaway over at her blog.  If you love blogging and reading blogs as much as I do this is a giveaway that I'm sure you'll want to get in on.  AND this giveaway will give you something to do while we all continue to hide away from the nasty winter that lingers outside... What better past time than reading? 

She is giving away a book over at her blog this week.  

This book is about blogging... not HOW TO blog, but rather funny stories from the blogging world.  Learn more about these books HERE. Then head on over to my sister's blog HERE to enter to win! 

Happy Weekend everyone!

Utah, The new Alaska....

Okay, some may think that comment is a bit of an exaggeration, but in all seriousness it's SO NOT.

One of my nearest and dearest girlfriends lives in Alaska and their temperatures have been "quite pleasant." For a now acclimated Alaskan pleasant means like mid 40's.  

That's not my definition of pleasant, but right now with what we have been given I'll gladly take mid 40's.

Hell, I'd gladly take mid 30's.  

Without fail, for weeks now, one or more of my car doors have been frozen shut (more often all of the doors too).  And not just frozen shut in the morning... they are frozen shut within minutes of shutting the car off.  So you know that quick 10 minute grocery store stop... Yep, come back out to doors frozen shut.

It's just plain old miserably cold.

I can't handle the cold.

If you have crossed my path in the recent weeks you will know that my entire moods have shifted.  Mind you they have shift to a not so pleasant me, and to those who have been so unfortunate to cross my path... I truly am sorry. HA! You would think I would have smartened up by now and move on to an environment where I don't have to deal with the cold.  In all fairness however, it's not very often that we are dealing with sub-freezing temps for weeks on end here in Utah.  Granted we do get those few days of super cold temps, that quickly turn back around.  Normally we spend the winter in the mid 30's, NOT consistent single digits often turning to the negatives.  

It's just plain cruel.  

All of it.

Including the unwelcome amount of snow that is sitting in my yard.  That foot of snow that fell a couple weeks ago had yet to show signs of melting (okay, maybe it did a little) before we got this added 13-14 inches over the weekend.  What's even more unfortunate is that the kids are all so excited to see all the new white stuff, but it's too dang cold to even enjoy it for more than 5 minutes.  Who can make a decent snowman in 5 minutes?  Oh, and just so you know... My dear friend in Alaska (Anchorage to be exact) has had a WHOPPING total of 9 inches of snow this winter.  

Can you tell I'm just over it? 

Wanna know what sent me over the edge and on this rant about how gosh dang cold it is?

This morning we were frozen IN our house.  Yes, no lie.  Our doors were frozen shut.  Not just one of them... ALL of them.  Thankfully I have a strong husband that was able to strong arm those doors open.

Wanna know what else?  

Oh yeah, you know what else... I didn't get my garbage out to the road this morning either...

Why you ask?

My gate is frozen shut too!

I swear to you all, mark my word, if I hear the word drought spoken this summer here in Utah I WILL spit nails.  In NO WAY should those words be thought let alone spoken this year.  

I'm seriously considering a vacation to some place warmer...

Maybe Alaska?

Or maybe even to Western New York to see my family?

It is after all in the 60's there.  

Okay, rant over.

Until next time anyway...

Tomlin's Go Ice Skating...

New years eve we had passes for the SLCeve event downtown.  This event is basically a huge party with a variety of activities for all ages at various locations downtown.  All within a few blocks of one another.  Tracks runs free downtown that night (may even be every weekend night actually) so you basically hop on and ride from location to location to check it all out.  We stayed close to the Gateway mall the majority of the time as this is where all the kid friendly stuff was taking place.  Unfortunately for us, we weren't really aware that the kid new years countdown ended at 7pm and that the insane amount of people would really limit what the kids could participate in.  Face painting line was a minimum of an hour long... just for some amateurs to paint a firework on their face?  Crazy.  The room with the light bright and glowing mega blocks was so small that the kids (and adults) were feeling very crowded and anxious to get out of there. We did spend a fair amount of time at Discovery Gateway, but even that place was a crazy disaster.  What it boils down to is that by the time 7pm rolled around and the kid stuff fizzled out we were left with two very antsy kids who had yet had their fill of fun for the night.  We decided to check out the movies playing at Clark Planetarium as they were playing about every half hour to 45 min, and they went late into the night.  These movies just so happened to be included in our passes.  Unfortunately for us again, it wasn't made known at the time of purchase that these tickets were limited and that you had to reserve your movie ahead of time. This meant we didn't get to see a movie either.  My mom purchased the tickets and at this point she was very frustrated at the waste of money they were.  All they did for us really was get us into discovery gateway for the kids to drop one plastic ball into the air lifting thing, play in the water with some broken boats, color on a color wheel with some already used paper, and make a party hat with minimal supplies.  Eventually we did venture down to temple square.  We enjoyed an exciting first time ride on the trax train and wandered around enjoying the Christmas light display.  We even were able to catch a little mini-concert as we were warming our toes in one of the buildings there at temple square.  New Years eve really wasn't a total bust.  We enjoyed one another's company very much and in the end it turned out to be a pretty enjoyable experience.  Wasted money aside.  

That night though, what my kids really wanted to do was to go to the Galivan Center and ice skate out on their outdoor rink.  I knew after already having been allowed to do very little with our tickets due to crowd that if we were to attempt the ice skating the kids would just be let down again.  It wasn't worth it to fight the cold (15 degrees mind you) any longer to show up and the rink be at full capacity as I knew it would be.  So instead we wrapped up the night early, headed back to our car on trax, and arrived home just before 11pm with two kids that were already zonked out for the night.  

Because they had to miss out on the ice skating that night I decided that this weekend I would take them to an indoor rink not to far from our house.  I unfortunately woke that morning feeling under the weather, but pushed through and took them anyway.  They didn't know what we were doing, I only informed them I had a surprise.  They spent the morning Saturday trying to guess what their surprise was.  At different points in the morning both kids expressed that they hoped we were going ice skating.  Little did they know they guessed right, but they didn't really think that a mom with a cough would take them to the cold.

We headed out to the ice skating rink, where Grammy and Uncle Bronson were going to meet us.  The kids didn't know they were coming either.  

Upon arriving we were greeted by a huge billboard of a speed skater.  Immediately they knew that we were indeed going ice skating.  While Brenna was jumping up and down in the back seat screaming "THANK YOU MOMMY!" over and over agian, Sam thanked me with a big kiss!

It's good to know your kids appreciate your efforts and there is no better way to express that than with some loves for Mommy.

The kids had so much fun.  Brenna just hopped right on that ice and took off on her own, circling that rink over and over and over again.  Sam remained a bit timid and just couldn't get his balance so I rented him a little walker to assist him and after that he took off just like his sissy.  Eventually he got brave enough, with a little boosted confidence, and ventured out without the walker and did remarkably well.  They both thought that their pre-fall twist, turns, and tumbles were real ice skating tricks and that it was pretty cool they could do tricks without even trying. HA! We spent a good couple hours skating.  Neither of the kids wanted to leave and both suggested that we come back again the next day.  This is definitely a repeat activity for our family, only next time I will insist that Dad join us.

Who else wants to join us?

It was a great weekend.  Today Bill took the kids to the gun show with his Dad (Grandpa T.), while I am stuck in bed with a miserable cough, headache, and itching ears.  The invisible heavyweight that is sitting on my chest is welcome to leave anytime (preferably NOW!)

The start of a new year brings with it the start of some new traditions...

If you missed my post about resolutions...

GO HEAR

Because you will see that these new traditions ARE NOT resolutions.  They are simply my first steps at attempting to achieve some of my goals. 

Goals 4 and 15 to be exact.

I really need to get better with this blogging thing.  I know I've said that a million times over, but I swear I mean it whole heartily every time I have said it.  I don't need to get better at it because I think I have a ton of readers or because I think that the potential for a ton of readers is even there, but rather for myself and my family.  Blogging is a great way of documenting life.  It is so easy to just bypass life's little moments without a second thought, which then results in forgotten memories all together.  In light of all the loss that last year brought to our family (you can read about that here if you missed that post too) I have come to realize that I am SO GUILTY of allowing those special moments and memories pass me by without properly embedding them in my mind.  I don't want to allow any more of those moments pass me by, I don't want to forget another moment of the life I have have been so graciously given, nor do I want my children to even have to forget.  It is my job as their parent to ensure that they have beautiful moments worth remembering and that they have the proper documentation to share those memories with their children and children's children.  

I'm not good at scrap-booking.  I've tried and failed miserably.  Not only that, but it is just a far too tedious way of documenting for my personality.  I don't do well with time consuming, and scrap-booking is EXACTLY that.  

Though it is a great way of beautifully documenting life, It's just not the way for me.  Believe me, sometimes I wish it was because the things you can do with scrap-booking these days is AMAZING.  Don't get me wrong, I do want to have some hard copies of pictures, in books, that we can pull out anytime we want, but I those just need to be quick and easy.  There is a way of doing that now with instagram and all the cool photo printing options that are available now.  I just haven't decided exactly what I want to do quite yet.  

I do love writing.  It is has always been an area of great interest and enjoyment for me.  From a young age I got a high out of writing and the ability to be creative with it.  I may not be all that good at it, but I sure do love it.  This is why blogging has such importance to me.  I feel that I am more capable of painting a good picture of those beautiful moments through writing than I am through scrap-booking. Some may think that writing is a far more time consuming way of documenting than scrap-booking, but believe me if you have ever spent a day with me attempting to be a creative, original, fun, and impressive scrap-booker then you'll know that it's not my forte. I'm not horrible at it, but it literally takes me like 8 hours to create like 4 pages.  I just don't have that kind of time.  HA!

Not sure how this post turned into a whole book on trying to justify why I want to get better at blogging, but I'll get back on track now.

This post touches on two goals.

Documenting/Blogging and recording more home videos.  This also kind of touches a bit on my desire to create some form of memory books as well.  This year I decided that I wanted to start recording my kids at the beginning of each new year.  Interview style.  Me behind the camera asking them questions.  Things about themselves that are likely to change throughout the years.  Questions that will highlight their personalities at that particular time.  After recording that first video I decided it would be a good idea to add a few pictures to the video that highlight some important moments of the past year.  Granted there isn't the ability to tell the story behind every picture, but at the very least you can see the changes that occur in them over those 12 months.  These videos can then be shared via social networking with family and friends and can also be put on DVD and slipped inside a memory book for myself and the kids to enjoy for years to come.  

Please forgive me for the poor quality of these videos.  First off my camera really isn't made for video making and secondly it's my first attempt at ever using video editing software.  Maybe I ought to add a video making/editing class to my 2013 Goals?  

Anyway, without further ado, I present to you

"Remembering 2012~Brenna and Sam"
(warning: they are kind of lengthy, sorry)

Welcoming a New Year... DREAM BIG IN 2013

I'm not one to really celebrate the coming of a new year, 

Nor am I one to set new years resolutions.  

I feel that with every resolution comes a failure... I mean really how many people out there make a resolution and actually stick to it?  I can only speak for myself, but in the years that I did attempt to make a new years resolution I NEVER STUCK WITH IT! Alas, I opted to not make them ever again.

 The coming of 

2013

is different for me.  I'm not going against my original plan to not make resolutions, but I feel that this year brings with it SO much opportunity for great things to happen in my world so I have decided to set some goals instead.  

Goals I can handle, it's not a resolution, it's simply something to work toward without the HAVE TO ACHIEVE attached to it.

Get what I'm saying?

My goals are as follows:

and in no particular order 

(it looks a bit overwhelming to me, but I know it's possible)

1. Exercise/Get Fit/Get Healthy

2. Continue on my spiritual journey

3. Photo-A-Day for the ENTIRE YEAR

4. Get better at blogging/documenting our life

5. Start photo books/memory books

6. Start a personal journal

7. Start Mama and Me journals (writing letters back and forth between the kids and I)

8. Buy a new camera

9. Take my little family to NY to meet my family

10. Disneyland

11. Get back in school (my break is long over)

12. Paint/re-decorate my bedroom.

13. Buy a DSLR

14. Take a photography class

15. Take more home videos

16. Post a life as I remember posts to my blog twice a month

17. Visit Shauna in Island Park (see Yellowstone while there)

18. Volunteer as a family for a good cause

19.  Go on dates with my husband

20. Get up to 10,000 all time views on my blog
21. Get over my fear of guns
22. Obtain a concealed weapons permit
23. Put together a designated "work" area for myself in my house instead of just my bedside.

This list, because it is just goals, is subject to change. 

I don't feel that I necessarily have to achieve all these goals in this next year, but I want to commit to at least take necessary steps to get closer to achieving them. 

Am I going to beat myself up if I don't cross all these off my list in 2013?  No.  It really is a lot to achieve and one person can only do so much.  

AND

I think I'll hold off on the exercise thing for another couple months until all those resolution people fall off the get fit bandwagon making more room for myself to use the equipment at the local Rec Center.

I'm mean I know, but I just don't like crowds too much. 

 On another note, 2013 is also the year that I say goodbye to my 20's.  I am officially pushing 30, but I am happy to say that I'm not trying to push it away.  It's happening, whether I like it or not so rather than dread it, I will embrace it.  My 20's have been full of some of the highest highs and lowest lows... I'm looking forward to the balance that 30 brings.  I'm more secure in my own skin, My marriage has worked out majority of the major kinks, My kids are becoming more independent, and we have worked really hard to become more financially secure.  This said, my 30's look very bright and inviting.  I'm excited to welcome this new chapter of my life.

You know what they say, "Thirty and Thriving..."

That's exactly how I see it too.

Tonight my little family will head downtown SLC for the EVE celebration to experience something new, to celebrate the exciting things to come, and welcome a new year full of love, fun, excitement, and success. 

What will your new year bring?  How are you celebrating? 

Let me know here!

I encourage everyone to set some goals for yourself and work hard in the coming year to achieve them.  

“The future belongs to those who believe in

 the beauty of their dreams.”

~Eleanor Roosevelt

DREAM BIG IN 2013!

Loss, Tragedy and Life Lessons...

It seems that with every tragedy a valuable life lesson is soon revealed.... 

For some reason death has been lurking around every single corner I seem to turn these past two months.  Just as I begin to think, "this has to be it...." I am proven wrong with yet another heartbreaking loss.  Some of the loss is not so directly related to us, such as the recent death of my younger brother's grandfather (on his dad's side) and the most recent loss (as of Wednesday) of a dear friend to my mother, but even that kind of loss makes your heart ache just a little because you have to witness the hurt and sadness of people you love dearly. Your heart hurts for those hurting.  Then there is the loss of those that age has finally taken it's toll and the circle of life here on earth comes to an end.   Such as with the recent passing of my Great-Grandmother and Great Aunt (both within less than two weeks of one another).  Though they lived a long, wonderful life your heart aches just a little because their presence will be no more, they will no longer be where you are so used to them being.  Then there are those losses that you have been able to prepare yourself for.  Such as in the recent passing of our dear friend John (read about that here in case you missed it).  Loss like this, though it was expected and there was time to prepare, the ache in your heart is a little bit more painful and requires some time for healing.  There was still life left to be lived, memories to be made, but our maker had different plans.  The time that was given to prepare was greatly appreciated, but in all honesty how much can one really prepare for a loss?  For a loss of a friend that has touched your life as much as he did in the short time you knew him?  It's hard and it hurts, but you press forward.  I can say that through all of these losses this past couple months I have been waiting for that one thing I am suppose to learn through it all... in hopes that with that lesson the death will lay off for a little while.  With each of these losses I gained a greater appreciation for my family, my friends, my life, and every single person in it.  I have gained a greater appreciation for the moments that so quickly pass us by, trying very hard to take in each of those moments with greater care.  Trying very hard not to take life and those in it for granted.  I thought these were the things I was meant to take with me through life by way of such a quantity in loss... I'm grateful for this heightened sense of appreciation in my life.

BUT THEN....

Tragedy strikes.  What I mean by tragedy is the loss of not one, but two individuals that are far to young and that came so very unexpectedly.  Not only is the fact that lives were lost so young a tragedy in and of itself, but add a beautiful wife and two adorable children to the mix... a young new family left behind by the one they call a husband and a father.  It's tragic.  One that makes the hearts of even strangers ache.  I'm sure that many have heard about and read about the two duck hunters gone missing in the Great Salt Lake that  unfortunately didn't make it home to their families alive.  In case you haven't, google it.  There are stories everywhere regarding this tragedy (Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, and Here just to name a few).  Now this particular tragedy hits far too close to home with us.  You know those people in your life that though they aren't exactly family, you have grown to love them as such anyway.  Those people that aren't exactly family, but they have been around long enough to see you through several mile stones, to see you through good times and even bad times making the bond with those people even greater and tighter.  Those people in your life that were there to witness more than just a few of life's greatest and most dear moments.  Well the Hardman family has been those people for Bill for nearly all his life and have been those people for me for the past 13 years.  Not only were they around to be a great support to me through Bill's deployment, they were there in support of one of our greatest commitments in life; our wedding.  Not just there to support us, but participate in the event as well.  One Hardman as the best man and another performing the ceremony, along with others in the family cheering us on from their seats.  They were there with welcoming arms as we brought our little ones into the world, taking them on as their own grandchildren, nieces/nephews, cousins.  They have been there through some of the roughest patches in our lives cheering us on every step of the way.  Not only have they watched us grow and change, we have been able to witness these same milestones in their lives as well.  Weddings, babies, graduations, missions... you name it, we've been lucky enough to be a part of their world as well.

 They have been great friends and even better family.  We love them to our core and to have this tragedy strike their family was a huge loss for our family as well.  

There are a few memories of Logan that I wanted to share.  I can pretty much sum up these memories in a few short words and everyone who knows him will know exactly what I am talking about... Quiet, Afro, Hammock, MRE's, and Smile.

Who knows what I am referring to in these words?  

If you don't, let me explain. When I entered into the family Bill had to reassure me more than once that Logan didn't not like me... he was just quiet.  Something I learned to enjoy about Logan because his quiet nature meant that when he did speak, what he had to say was worth hearing.  I got to bear witness to the afro phase in Logan's life.  I can attest to the fact that I have never seen, nor do I think I will ever again see a white kid with such a kick ass afro.  I personally liked his afro hair... It had character, personality.  It was awesome, though some may disagree.  I recall a time having walked into Logan's bedroom for some reason or another and seeing his hammock, which replaced his bed.  Funny thing is this didn't strike me as odd as it would others, it was just Logan.  That doesn't mean that it didn't make me laugh... Only Logan.  I'm not quite certain how long that hammock remained in place of his bed, but I think it was awhile. I remember the first time Bill gathered up some MRE's (Meal Ready to Eat) to take over to Logan.  Now that I thought was odd... who would eat an MRE because the WANT to, not because the have to?  I'll tell you who, Logan.  Has anyone ever eaten one of those?  My personal opinion is they are quite.... interesting??? (for lack of a better word).  Just add water to everything... including meat.  Yeah, no thanks.  Logan enjoyed them though and Bill was more than willing to share them with him.  Last, but not least, Logan had one of the MOST contagious smiles I have ever seen.  One that I know for fact got him out of trouble more than once.  Probably more than a few dozen times actually.  With a smile like his you could get away with most anything.  That smile won over the hearts of many I'm sure. These are just some of the things I learned about Logan in the years I have known the Hardman family.  Things that stand out in the last 13 years.    

Now, back to where I was headed with this post... Life lessons.  

This tragic loss of Logan and his friend Chad was not just a loss for their families and friends, these losses were felt by an entire community.  The impact these losses have had on the community I live in has been very overwhelming to see.  Everywhere you turn someone is somehow connected to one of the two families and everyone wants to know how, why.   Everyone is struggling with the why.... It's overwhelming.  One thing is for certain, only God knows why.  This is where my great life lesson comes in.  GOD.  As I have sat back and watched the aftermath of these tragedies unfold there has been one major stand out thing surrounding it all, the strength in the Hardman family.  In all the years I have known them I have never really paid much attention to the tight bonds and the power behind this family.  I knew that they had touched many lives, mine being one of them, but I never realized the magnitude of those who also loved this family as I do, as we do.  The outpouring of love, kindness, and concern for this amazing family is nothing short of amazing.  I couldn't think of a family more deserving either.  For days after the tragedy occured I sat back in awe of just how amazing the Hardman family was handling their loss and of just how strong they all were.  I found myself envying the family they have and the bonds they share.  I found myself wondering what it is that they have done in their lives to create such a tight nit family unit, one that doesn't break even in the most darkest of days.  Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing family, family I wouldn't trade for the world. Between both Bill and myself, we are blessed with some amazing people as family, but I have never (not even in our families) seen a family with such bonds as the Hardman's have.  I began to not be just in wonder of what it is that makes them so tight of a family, but rather needing to know.  I want this same bond in my life with my family.  I want my children to love one another with the same depth as this family loves one another.  I want to be as close with my mom, dad, brothers, and sisters as the Hardman's are with each other.  I want the same in Bill's family.  As I sat there in the funeral service for Logan it hit me like a ton of bricks.  The bond that holds this family together is God.  This family has been given a solid spiritual foundation to build their lives upon.  Whether their faith be one that I or anyone else agrees or disagrees with, that doesn't matter.  What matters is they have been given that foundation.  Through their spiritual beliefs they have bonded.  They know what it means to be a family.  They rely on one another.  They love unconditionally.  

Do I think that every family needs to have some kind of faith or spirituality to be as this family is?  No.  To each their own.  What I do know is that I have learned that for my little family this is what is lacking.  This tragedy enlightened me on my personal need to teach my children some sort of spirituality.  Do we pray?  Yes.  Do we believe in God? Yes.  Do we believe in life after death? Yes.  This is the most we have ever taught our children.  I know that this alone will not be enough to sustain a solid foundation though.  I need more than this and so do my children.  In the few days following the funeral, faith and spirituality have really been weighing heavy on my mind.  I am not yet confident in teaching my children how to be spiritual or to show them the way to finding their own faith because I am still so unsure in what I believe, but there is only one place to start... I need to explore this side of myself.  Not too long ago I felt that I was making headway in my beliefs through reading the bible and studying different beliefs, but all that came to a halt when that ever so dreaded confusion set it.  So I stopped searching for answers and knowledge.  I have learned that I can't do that anymore because my kids deserve to have the most solid foundation for life that Bill and I can provide them...  spirituality and faith needs to be a part of that.  

It seems that with every tragedy a valuable life lesson is soon revealed... What is mine you ask?

I need to find God.  I need to find faith.  I need to find spirituality.

I have Logan and the Hardman's to thank for this.   

The dust is proof enough of how long it's been since I picked this book up.

Tonight I dug out my bible... wiped off the dust and opened it to where I last placed my book mark.  In my whole bible there is only one verse highlighted and it read....

"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.  For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the other, so that you do not do what you want."

Funny this is all that is highlighted in my bible... seems I have been been stuck in this battle of the contrary for quite some time now.

The verse on the front of my bible reads...

"Trust the Lord with all your Heart..."  

Maybe I've been stuck in the contrary because I haven't found out how to come by that trust it speaks of right on the front.  Here's to letting go of fear and committing to figuring this all out. 

To the Hardman Family:
I want you guys to know that though I know that my personal lessons through all this really isn't likely to be much comfort to you, through your love and example in this tragic time I have learned so much about what I need in my own life.  I have been made more aware of changes I need to make in myself in order to sustain a life with meaning, a life in which my children will thrive.  I have been given a great example of the family I hope to raise.  I look up to you all and hope that my family can one day set the example for others as you have set for us.  I am grateful for the continued presence you have all had in my life.  I am grateful to have grown to know you all and love you all.  Thank you for letting me and my family be a part of yours. 

To Everyone Else:
If you are wondering how you can go about helping this amazing family, donations can be made in Logan Hardman's name at any Zions Bank location.  His wife, children, and family have a long road of emotional healing ahead of them and it is unfortunate that they will be left with some financial burdens as well.  Every little bit helps, so if you can, I encourage you to donate.  Knowing this family personally I can assure you that no amount will go unappreciated.    

Logan and his Sweet Family.

Also there is a fundraiser being held for Logan's family this coming Saturday, Dec. 1st.  Details below.  

A sincere Thank You to you all.

First Winter Snow

This month has really been a pretty mild one.  Temperatures have been consistently high for this time of year.  We did manage to get one good snow storm as of current.  It hit us a couple of weeks ago.  It literally snowed for over 24 hours straight.  Much of the valley got well over 6 inches, but some parts got even more.  It was a very wet and dense snow, which made it very difficult to shovel.  However, this is the BEST snow for snowman making.  I'm really a poor sport when it comes to this wet, white stuff.  I'm not a big fan of winter or the snow so I encouraged the kids to make a snowman alone.  It was a bust.  Neither of the kids could get a snowball started well enough to begin rolling it into larger balls for a snowman.  They sure did enjoy playing in it though.  We quickly learned that they had both outgrown their winter gear so we had to head out afterward and find some attire suitable for them now.  TALK ABOUT EXPENSIVE!  I was SO not happy about how much $$$ we had to drop on new snow gear.  Lets hope they can get some good use out of it.  Last winter was pretty mild with very little snow... I'm hoping that we at least have a white winter.  I will be content with that much snow.  

Catching Snowflakes....

Attempting to make a Snowman (Brenna is clearly unhappy with the lack of progress)