A Father Is...

I know I should have posted this a few days ago, but to be honest I was having way too much fun enjoying my kids and family to take a time out to blog.


A Father is...

A rock.

The solid foundation in which carries the strength of his family.

He is the safest embrace and sternest of hands.

He is a hard worker and provider.

He is wise.

In my life, my father has been just that.  A rock, my safety, my disciplinarian who taught by example what respect is. 

Respect for others and Respect for myself. 

He has always worked hard, and loved his children with such depth and unconditionally.

He is always there to offer a shoulder to cry on and wisdom to help me through the toughest of times. 

(even if at times I don't want to hear what he has to say)

He is one of my very best friends and I am so grateful to call him MY DAD.  

I am fortunate to have found a husband that does just the same for his own children.  Bill is an amazing father and has really impressed me with how much love he has for his family.  I see the same bond developing between him and our children as I have with my father and I am so grateful for the opportunity to sit back and watch them bond.  

This Father's Day was a bit different for me.  Bill took off with his dad to a Bike Rally out in Elko for a little bonding time of their own, which left the kids and I home to entertain ourselves.

After the heart attack event at the beginning of the month I had a new appreciation for what this day represents.  Not only is a day meant to celebrate all the father's in the world, it is also a day that they should be allowed to do whatever it is their hearts desire.  Bill wanted this time spent with his dad, and I was okay with that.  My dad wanted some time alone, to relax, rest, and just be.  I respected that as well.  He deserved to just be after the month he has had.  The kids and I just hung out all weekend.  We went and saw a movie with Grandma T. (blog to come about that), went to a birthday party for my nephew, spent a little time with my mom, and then had some good quality time at home.  

The kids and I made Bill a candy bar bouquet for fathers day while he was gone.  Bill came home Sunday afternoon and we just laid low for most of the day. The kids were so excited to give his gift to him, he barely made it through the door before they were handing over the goodies.  We did go out to dinner because none of us were in the mood for lasagna as I had planned to make.  Summer dinners are hard to plan... It's just too hot to cook. After dinner we stopped by my dads for a short, but sweet, visit.  We sat on his porch and talked while the kids played a hilarious game of hide-and-seek.  Everyone should really have the opportunity to watch my kids play this game.  They really SUCK at it, which makes it quite entertaining.  

Happy Father's Day to all you amazing father's out there! 

And thank you for being the Rock we all need in our lives!

Life Lessons from a Heart Attack...

It has been a WHIRLWIND of a week.

June 1st set the path for some major changes in the future of my family.

That story to come in a future post.  First I wanted to talk about this...

Some lessons I learned about life...

My thoughts start out with this quote a friend of mine posted on her blog Tuesday night.

"Treat your parents with loving care... For you only know their value, when you see their empty chair."

*SOBBING*

Tuesday night I was home, laying in bed, trying everything in my power to turn off my mind.  I had spent the entire afternoon at the hospital, with my sisters and step-mom, all surrounding the hospital bed my dad was lying in.  Unsure of what the future would hold for our family.  He was alive, awake, talking, and even laughing with us, but I was still left grasping at straws for positive thoughts while I sat there watching my "SUPER HERO" dad try to be strong for his baby girls. 

I'm not sure how anyone else sees their dad, but in my eyes (yes even at 29 years old) my dad is invincible. He is better than strong; he's empowering.  He's my Rock. 

So how is it, why is it, that my SUPER HERO DAD is the one lying in a hospital bed, so scared, vulnerable, stressed, sad, and feeling so defeated?

How is it that the man that has the most strong, loving, kind, and big heart was just told that he has a heart that was physically failing him? 

I was mad.

I was sad.

I was scared beyond comprehension.

No, I was worse than scared...

I was terrified.

I just wanted to trade him places... I just know couldn't function without my dad here with us.

At 4:30pm on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 I got the most horrific call of my life.

My step-mom was on the other end and she said, 

"Jess, I have something to tell you.  Your dad is in the hospital, he has had a Heart Attack."

Those two words, Heart Attack, paralyzed me.

I didn't hear what came out of her mouth next all I could hear repeating in my head was "heart attack, heart attack, heart attack..."

And all I could manage to do was crouch down on the floor and scream "No, no, no, no, no..."

My grandmother, his mother, died at 53 from a heart attack.

On my dad's Birthday in January, it was something that was mentioned more than one time because HE was turning 53.

It has been nearly 19 years since his own mother passed away from a heart attack, at the exact same age.  

Now, why the dramatic reaction?

Because the realization that he was in the exact same place at the same time as his mom, my mima,  was just entirely WAY too much to process.

It took me a minute (okay, way more than a minute) to pull myself together enough and get the details that my poor step-mom was trying so hard to give me.  

My dad was in the hospital, he was very scared and stressed, but was okay. That is all the information that she had, aside from his blood pressure was still dangerously high and the doctors were doing all they could to get control of it. 

I should have been at ease with this information, but I wasn't.  My grandma too had what could be considered a minor heart attack, which resulted in her being in the hospital awaiting many tests just like my dad.  Only she never made it to the following day to have those tests done.  She suffered a second heart attack while in the hospital that killed her.  Okay just wasn't good enough for me.  I wanted answers.  I wanted to see him, hug him, smell that comforting smell my dad has, and just hold on to him tight and never let go.  THAT'S what I wanted, and that's what I needed.  

My step-mom explained that he was feeling very overwhelmed and guilty and that he didn't want any of us (his daughters) to come up to the hospital to see him.  

Guilty? I thought to myself.

Why would he be feeling guilty or responsible for this?

She explained that he felt as though he had let us girls down.  He knew his family history, but hadn't done his best to take care of himself properly.  He didn't want us to see him like this.
(I want my dad to know that he has not let me down.  There is not anything that he could ever do that would make me love him, need him, or respect him any less.  I am VERY proud to call him MY dad.)

My heart hurt, but I did not want to put any more stress on my dad than he was already putting on himself.  All I could do was sit and cry uncontrollably in the embrace of my own beautiful children, while I talked to each of my sisters over the phone in an attempt to try to console one another.  

I'm not sure what came over my dad, but it wasn't long before I got a call from him.  Just hearing his voice gave me some relief.  The conversation was short and the very most I got from it was, I could go see him.  I literally RAN out my door, kicked the car into drive, and got to that hospital as fast as I possibly could.  I met my little sisters in the parking lot and we took that long, confusing walk through the hospital halls together.  We were met soon after by my other two sisters as well.  I can't tell you how much I needed to just be there, how much we all just needed to be there, together.

We all just needed to see him, hug him, and just be with him. 

While we were there they were able to get his blood pressure to a safer level.  We all just sat, talked, and bonded over the next 3 1/2 hours.  I think it's safe to say that none of us wanted to leave, but we knew that dad needed rest.  So we gathered our things and said our goodbyes.  

I can't begin to explain that feeling of saying goodbye to my dad that night.  Though I got to see him, hug him, and just be with him... I was still SO scared.  

Who knew what the night would bring...

Which is what led me to the longest night of my life...

Consumed by the most unsettling feelings possible.

Lying in my bed, head a jumbled mess, thoughts racing, feeling so vulnerable myself.  Trying to wrap some sort of sense around how it was that my SUPER HERO DAD was laying in a hospital bed, so unsure of what his and our future would be.  

As I read through my friends blog she shared another quote that said, 

"Love the people God gave you, because he will need them back one day." 

I have never been given reason to come to terms with the fact that yes, someday I will lose a parent.  Not only have I never been given any reason to really contemplate that reality, but I was trying so very hard to deny that was ever a possibility.  Maybe I am a bit selfish and unrealistic, but I NEED  them still.  And up until this event, I felt that the fact I needed them was enough for god to keep them here with me.  I don't think that this was just an awakening for my dad and the importance of his health, but it was also a rude awakening for me as well.  I know that I will have to deal with the passing of my parents one day.  I am trying very hard to accept that right now, though I don't think I will ever be fully prepared for it.

The future still remains so unsure and he has many more visits to the doctors to ensure that he is on the right path to a healthier and much longer life.  

Today, my dad is home. Alive.

Tired, but alive... 

I am beyond grateful that he is okay.

I am beyond grateful that I did not have to deal with a loss right now when we were all so very unprepared for one.

I am so so so relieved that the big man above knows that  I , we, still need my dad more than he does right now. 

I am so happy that my dad is given a second chance at life and I know that he too is grateful for it.  

I will never take a moment spent with my dad, or anyone in my life for granted ever again. 

I am thankful for today and every day I am given with those I love.

Life is the very most precious gift I have been given.  I know that now. 

And my dad is still my SUPER HERO.

I will leave you with a little something for all my friends and family, old and new.  I LOVE YOU all so very much.  I promise to not only tell you all that I love you every chance I have, but to also make sure that my actions reflect this love as well.
XOXO

Life As I Remember It: I was Born

My second post of my blog series: Recap of the day I was born.

Friday, May 13, 1983

Started off as an average morning in May for Mom and Dad.

Dad headed off to work, and Mom headed off to Grandma and Grandpa's with big sister Jaime for some much needed R&;R after a long night of false labor the night before (where they gave her a shot of morphine and sent her home).

My pleasantly medicated mother (remaining from the night before of course) slept the day away on the couch while Grandma and Jaime went about their day.

Small contractions presented themselves again that morning, but though Mom noticed, she was able to sleep through them.
She slept so well, that she in fact (as mentioned before) she literally slept the day way...

Suddenly,
Mom jumps up from her sleep at

A Quarter to 3pm
(For those time challenged, that's 2:45pm HA!)

and insisted she was going into labor...
Grandma had just put big sister Jaime down for a nap and was enjoying her afternoon soap operas.

There was only 15 minutes left of her show, "Can you wait 15 minutes Kath? The show is almost over and I just laid Jaime down for a nap."

Labor could wait right? 

HA!

Mom insisted she was going to wait in the car because I was coming, regardless how close the show was to being over.
Grandma decided she had better listen...
Grandma woke Jaime from her nap and quickly loaded her up in the car where mom was waiting.

Good thing the hospital was close...

When they arrived at the hospital, the nurses wheeled in a wheel-chair for mom to sit in and take her to a room.  Mom refused, I was crowning. She couldn't possibly SIT!  Poor mom waddled her way through the hospital where they finally found a stretcher for mom to lay on in a crowded hallway.
(All the while Grandma was downstairs checking mom in and making the call to Dad to let him know that the baby was coming)

Unfortunately for mom, if she was ever embarrassed of being fully exposed to dozens of strangers she was just going to have to suck it up.

Hospital picture
(Obviously I was embarrassed by my big floppy ears from birth)

I was born in that hallway, with an audience, delivered by nurses at 2:59pm.
(one minute before Grandma's soap opera was over... So much for labor can wait!)
Those who were important in Mom's life (Grandma and Dad) missed the birth, but that's okay right?  Because dozens of people got to bear witness to the welcoming of a new life to the world.
Ha Ha Ha!
Dad didn't believe it when he got the call that I had made my appearance.  Hadn't it only been minutes since he got the call to head over to the hospital because Mom was in labor???

I've been told I am a slight over achiever,

Clearly the day I was born was no exception to my over achieving tendencies.

Aw, I love you too...

See what I'm saying about those ears?
Gnarly right?

Life as I Remember It: Meet the Parents

Before I can post about the day I was born...

(Not something I REMEMBER, but I  have a pretty good understanding of how my entrance into this world was made)

I must tell you a little about the two people who gave me life.  

My Mother and My Father

My Strength and My Rock

My Comfort and My Encouragement

My Cheerleaders and My Best Friends

Kathy and Jim

I owe my life to them,
For that I will forever be indebted to them.
No Thank You could ever be enough...
.
.
.

They were both born and raised in New York, Not the city.
Youngstown, Ransomville area.
If you've ever been to that part of the country you will know that it is BEAUTIFUL.
I've only been there very few times myself, but I love everything about the place they call home.

My Daddy

My Dad was born on a day in January.
(Not going to age drop on my Dad, year of birth shall remain unknown)
He is the oldest of 4.
Two Boys, Two girls.
From what I understand he has always been their rock.
Big Brother Jimmy,
They know they can always count on him, Turn to him in times of need. Trust him with their life.
The best kind of brother anyone could ever have...

My Dad and his sisters... (couldn't find one with his brother Jeff in it)

He's just that kind of guy...
Tough when he needs to be, but the softest most tender heart imaginable.
A Protector.  A Knight in Shining Armor. A Safe Haven.
He would give his shirt off his back to anyone in need.
He is driven, hard-working, focused, successful, and SO fun to be with.
He is a friend for life kind of guy with an abundance of people who love him and are honored to call him a friend.
I know I am lucky to have him and I cherish every day I spend with him.
I like to think my dad has always been the model son, friend, brother, student and father... though I am sure he too had his moments. ;)

My Mommy

My mom, her parents, siblings, and the first born grandchild

My Mom was born on a January day as well..
(Again, year will not be disclosed)
She is the second to the oldest of 4.
Three girls, one boy.
People say I look just like her, with the exception of my dad's eyes and dimples...
I can't argue that, but that's okay because my mom is stunning.

She is successful, strong, and giving.
She made a life for us despite the downfalls and challenges she was dealt.
She too is a Daddy's girl like myself.
She wears her heart on her sleeve and is completely satisfied just knowing that she is loved.
My mom is fun, silly, and really sensitive.
She's an amazing daughter, sister, mother, and friend.
Her loyalty is one of a kind.
I know my mother has made my grandparents proud with all she has achieved in life,
as am I.

My parents met by way of my grandmother.  My father worked at the same grocery store my grandmother worked at.  I don't know all the details, I only know that my grandma really liked my dad (but of course who wouldn't) and so she introduced him to my mom.
Clearly, things worked out.

I found this picture attached to a newspaper article announcing their engagement
It read:
Mr. and Mrs. Joseph T. Sykes of 377 Brampton Road, Youngstown, announce the  engagement of their daughter, Kathy Lynn Sykes, to James Robert Lynch, son of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Lynch of 3600 Ransomville Road, Ransomville.  A spring wedding is planned.

I don't know their engagement story, or much of about their dating life.  What I do know is this;
They were young,
Fresh out of high school.
They were in love.

They married, I'm sure in the spring of 1979.

Surrounded by friends and family.

Next came the babies...

May Photo Day 8: A Smell I Adore

Now, you may be wondering what hands have to do with a smell...

Well, this is the hand of my hard working husband.

Cracked,

Dry,

and Stained with Grease, Grime, and Dirt...

I'm a Daddy's Girl.

AND

  I was his emotional kid.  His snuggler. His tender heart who found comfort and safety in his embrace.

My favorite place to be was on his lap, head resting on his shoulder, breathing in his smell.    

My Dad is a Mechanic. 

 He always smelled like gas, grease, dirt...

All the things that go along with being a Mechanic and working in a shop.  

Throughout my childhood I grew to love the smell of my dirty mechanic dad.  

It was a comforting smell. 

A safe smell.

.

.

.

.

Now, as an adult, it is a smell I absolutely love and adore.

Still comforting.  

Still safe.

It's been said you marry someone who has similarities to your parents.

And I did.

My husband is a Mechanic. 

He has that same comforting smell as my dad...

When he gets home from work I hug him, kiss him, and breathe in his smell...

 I find comfort and safety in the embrace of those hard working hands...

The ones that resemble my Dad's so much.