A letter to the childhood me...

I have been asked by my counselor to write a letter to my childhood self. I am suppose to ask for forgiveness and give in site on what I know now vs. what I didn't know then. I have put this off for two weeks because there are some things that I don't want to revisit and because I am a bit confused by how I can ask forgiveness from myself. I realize that the mistakes I made when I was young have contributed to my downfalls that exist in me today. I am also aware of the happenings in my life where I held no control, but was still on the receiving end of trauma. I have grown to except these moments in my life, but never did I think that it could be possible to completely move past them. I have come to realize that though I thought I had properly worked through my demons, I really just learned to live with them. It is a slightly terrifying thought to let go of these demons simply because I have used them as justification and a foundation to build my protective walls upon. The process of tearing them down and creating a new foundation for a healthy, happy future is probably one of the most terrifying things I have encountered to date. I just have to remind myself that my kids deserve the very best me they can get, because if I allow this process to be only about me I won't commit. I am okay with my walls, with my armor... but I know that my children suffer for it. Who knew that a letter would be so damn difficult to write???