I don't say or post much about him here in my blog,
or on facebook,
or anywhere that is "public.
He is a private person who does not like the spotlight. In fact when I snapped this picture our conversation went like this:
What are you taking pictures of?"
"You."
"Um, why?"
"Because I love you..."
Quickly followed by a not so pleased look from him.
Unfortunately even those who avoid the spotlight like the plague are put there a time or two in their lifetime.
Today, I couldn't think of a better person to fill my photo of the day because he is my other half.
This weekend was hard. Emotional. Trying. Tiring. Sad. EXHAUSTING! This afternoon I sat on my front porch and enjoyed a little sun, pondering the happenings of the weekend. My husband came out and started small talk which led to heart to heart talk... I know he knew I had a hard weekend and needed him. Reassurance that all will be fine is what I needed. Having dealt with the cause of my weekend stress the majority of his life, he had all the right things to say. Its nice to have someone that just gets you. I love this man!
My family had an unimaginably hard weekend. Even as I sit here, I tear up just thinking about the life changing experience. So many emotions present... sadness, confusion, vulnerability, and even gratitude. Even though I have faith and confidence that all will be okay, it's still hard to reflect upon an even that has left you worried of unknown. In these moments one feels uncomfortably vulnerable. Friday's phone call from my sister left me feeling helpless and hopeless. It went like this:
"I'm supposed to let you know mom rushed Bronson to the hospital."
And the fuzziness begins... consumed with worry... Something about off the charts sugar levels and coma is about all I recall following those introductory words.
Me: "Um, okay...."
Sister: "That's all I know."
Needless to say, consumed by worry... for what seemed like decades until word came in that my baby brother was being diagnosed as a Type 1 diabetic. For a family that has never dealt with diabetes... This is terrifying news. I have been fortunate to be around a diabetic for the last 12 years, my father in law is this same type of diabetic so I knew a little going into this experience. The rest of the family was going into this completely blind. What I did know was he can live a long, productive life and for this knowledge I am grateful. I also knew that there is far worse that our family could be presented with and for this I am also grateful.
There was so much I still did not know about this disease until this weekend, much of which was the dangers and long term effects. I did not know that the family needs to know how to give a sugar injection if ever an emergency presents itself. Does this mean me??? Well if I would ever like to take my brother to a movie again or lunch or shopping or anywhere then yes... this does mean me. Nervous is only normal right? Why didn't I know this before?
My worries and lack of confidence in my abilities to perform in the face of emergency is minimal in comparison to the forceful blow that my poor brother has had to endure. HIS life is most effected. He is a diabetic.
It the matter of moments a kids dreams are shattered... I am so so so sad for him. I recall a time, 11-12 years ago, that my husband (then boyfriend) came to pick me up from home while still in military uniform. My four year old little brother was just in aw that a "real life soldier" was at our house. He was mesmerized by Bill and what being a soldier meant. I recall when we bought him his own dress up uniform and Bill camouflaging his face for him, the smile that consumed that little boys face was priceless. For as long as I can recall this little brother of mine has wanted to be a soldier. A dream that will now never become his reality. I am sad for him. His life has changed.
I know one day that he will understand that god has a different plan for him in this life. A greater plan I am sure. Whatever this plan may be, I know that he will succeed in fulfilling it.
I hope he knows how much I wish I could take his place.
I hope he knows how much I love him.
I hope he knows how proud I am of him.
2 comments:
I am so so sorry to hear about your brother, Jess. My little Caidence was diagnosed at only 2 years old. It was the scariest time of my life. It's been a year and a half and she is the happiest, healthiest little girl (just has to get a few shots a day.) She does swimming and gymnastics and preschool like any other 3 year old. My greatest advice to pass on to your brother is live. Don't let the diabetes take over his life. Keep doing the things he enjoys, but just be concious of sugar levels and food. We were supposed to go to Lake Powell the week after she was diagnosed and I was going to cancel the trip and my dr told me not to, that we had to keep living life like normal. The more we coddle and don't do things because she is "diabetic," the more they'll use it as an excuse that they are "sick" and can't do things like everyone else. (I know the military thing is a different story) but don't let the diabetes take away your normal life. I'm sorry he has to go thru this. I've heard being diagnosed as a teenager is the hardest age because you feel like your life is crashing down. He'll make it thru. If you, or his family, need to talk let me know!
Thank you so much Michelle! It is nice to have others out there that understand and that can offer advise and knowledge. Thank you for the encouragement and kindness... Learning to LIVE with this disease will take time, but we will be certain that we all continue to LIVE, and not do so in fear of the unknown.
Post a Comment