Today my son (almost 5) called me gay.
We sat down for dinner and out of the blue he said, "Mom, you're gay." My husband and I stared at him in disbelief that those words just came form the mouth of my sweet, adorable, innocent child. Granted, I know these words were a result of his innocence. He has no idea what it means, nor did I ever feel it time to explain what gay means to either of my children. I feel that they are far too young to comprehend, but I cannot allow for my children to continue on in life thinking it is okay to walk around and innocently call people gay. I want my children to learn what respect is and to encourage them to respect all mankind regardless of race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, etc. I felt it time to have this conversation with the children.
"Sam, do you even know what gay is?"
"No."
"Then do you think it is right to walk around calling people gay?"
"I don't know."
"Where did you hear that word from?"
"I don't know."
"Brenna, do you know what gay means?"
"Um, No."
"Well, gay is another meaning for happy, but when you call a person gay with the intent to hurt their feelings it does not hold this meaning. It is completely disrespectful because gay also means that you are attracted to someone of the same sex. Not only are you disrespecting the person you are calling gay, but you are also disrespecting people who have not done anything to deserve such disrespect. If Mommy were gay, then I would have fallen in love with and married another girl. If Daddy were gay, then he would have married another boy. Do you understand?"
"Yeah, you married Daddy so you are gay."
At this point Bill takes the lead in the conversation.
"No Sam, You like Aubrielle right?"
"Yeah."
"Well if you were gay, you would not like Abrielle. You wouldn't want her to be your girlfriend. You wouldn't want to try to kiss her. If you were gay, you would want to try to kiss Jacob (his friend at school)."
The look on his face completely changes....
"Oh..... EWwwwww" he replies.
To which I pipe in again.
"Sam, it's not ew. It's just who they are. You can't help who you like or love, some people just like different things. Daddy likes shrimp and I don't, that doesn't make daddy gross for liking something I don't like. That doesn't make me like or love Daddy any less. It just means he is different than me. If I judged dad for being different from me, then we wouldn't have fell in love and we wouldn't have had you two. Everyone is different. There is not one person on this earth that is EXACTLY the same as another. Different is okay and you should NEVER dislike someone because they are different from you. You remember that ok?"
"Okay mom."
"Now, if I EVER hear you call someone gay again... You will be grounded for a week and will wash every toilet in this house every single day for a month... You got it?"
"Yes mom."
I seriously struggled with finding the right words to address this with my children. Though Brenna sat back and listened for the majority of it, she was attentive. She was listening. I didn't quite know how to explain this to them and have them get it, but I knew I had to try. Not sure I did the topic justice, but seriously how do you have this conversation with a 5 and 6 year old? I am totally open to advice.... so please let me hear it.
4 comments:
I think you did good: ) better than my mom who refuses to have the talk haha
WOW... I'm printing this RIGHT NOW for future reference if it ever comes up in our house! I think it's PERFECT! You didn't address too much, and I love that.
You gave him the facts, and then stressed more about the "differences" in people, rather then specific sexual preferences that come along with being gay.
I think you did GREAT!
It's pretty much just like explaining sex. I haven't really had to do that yet (thank goodness) but I know my time will come, and everyone "says" that you should tell your children just enough... and not too much (depending on their age, the question and level of understanding). I think this holds true for lots of "serious talks". I don't think you want to sugar coat or skirt around the topic, but you also don't want your little 5 and 6 year old's heads to explode with information they shouldn't know at a very young age.
You're a great Mom!
Ha! Thanks! Maybe we can find a cheat sheet online somewhere for when the "sex" talk happens. My poor sister in law ended up having that conversation with her four girls far earlier than she had anticipated... fortunately for her all four girls were present when one of them initiated the talk so she got to have only ONE talk with all four kids... At the same time. She lucked out! LOL
Thank you Blake... Some parents comfort levels are different I suppose... The younger generations seem to be less uncomfortable about these kinds of talks with their kids... In time hopefully more parents will feel this same way. :)
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